Is This Seat Taken On The…

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That’s rights folks, I am back on the short bus going straight to Hardee’s, er, Hades with a front row seat reserved. I guess it is just a perfect end to an amazingly shitty-ass week. I mean, this week was a humdinger. Let’s recount this for posterity sake, shall we?

I have been having tire trouble with my right front for a while. Every so often it loses pressure and though I have had it checked, there was no indication that a hole was in it. So, I concluded that gremlins sneak air out of it in transit because any other explanation could only lead to ridicule from the Les Shwab tire dolts.

gremlintz

Well, I came back from a trip to find it completely flat in the parking lot. Mother fucker. At that point I knew I had to call it quits with the mystery tire and just change it. So I proceeded to get to work. The only issue was that I had a hell of a time trying to get the jack off (haha) the tire mount resulting in a great gash up the wrist. No biggie, I have had worse.

Long story short I managed to get the car jacked up and took the flat tire off. But before I could put the spare on I noticed a strange creaking sound. While I was trying to pinpoint the odd sound there was a terrific POW and the car came crashing down on an empty wheel rotor-thing, nearly severing my flip flopped wearing foot. The jack completely buckled and busted.

Holy shit I nearly shit a shoe! I kid you not that was more nerve racking than getting into a moving accident. Not only did I almost cut/crush my foot in half but now my car was crippled on pavement with a bent brake and tire mount. I have never heard of a jack completely failing like that. Have you? It’s nice to know that 28K car has a $5 jack in it. Someone is getting a letter!

So, yay for triple A. Car is in recovery and I am in credit card debt.

office-space

I like to say that I am a professional firefighter but in the spring, hours and shifts became hard to get so I was forced back into corporate America as an office solution consultant. This week the “said” boss from Vegas took off for his cabin and left me with the glorious responsibility of firing two people. And anyone who knows me, knows that if I, so much as bump into your shopping buggy at the grocery store, I feel like I should load your car, so one can imagine how much I have been looking forward to canning people who look at me as the “wiffleball tony” of the office. (wiffleball Tony is the guy at the picnic that everyone loves and is the one to start the wiffleball game)

One of the guys I really didn’t mind letting go because, to be honest, he sucked. I have about as much use for him as I do a 4 foot novelty monkey wrench and while that sounds harsh, it really is not. He told a client her breasts didn’t look real while fixing her copier. I fired him with extreme prejudice.

The other, it was difficult and when ever I am in a position of awkward difficulty, I get the giggles. Yup. It’s awful and I am definitley bus-bound to the 7th circle. But even though I handled that like a roller skating party for the Nealy School of the Mentally Challenged, I managed to find him possible employment from a competitor. Don’t ask. People owe me favors I suppose.

To cap it all off, yesterday sealed it for me that this week ranks high on the one out of 52 to forget.  I was walking downtown and past a large window front of a small office space. On the window were pictures and at first glance I thought they were employees showing off how much fun it is to work there. I then stopped and focused in on a particularly funny photo that look much like this one:

awkward

I couldn’t help myself. I let out a thunderous laugh that scared birds from trees. It was one of those contagious laughs you see and while you don’t know what is funny, you find yourself laughing to share their joy. But soon my joy was replaced with a cold sweat of embarrassment and shame as I browsed the other photos and looked past the pictures to see people staring back at me with a look of disgust.

Remember how I mentioned earlier about the Nealy School for the Mentally Challenged? Yeah, I was standing infront of their school. When the realization hit me of what I looked like laughing at these pictures I would have rather been in these ten other places at that particular time.

  1. Driving a Baptist Bus around Baghdad
  2. Having a “meet in the middle” banana eating party with 62 year old Russian prostitute.
  3. Farting in a yoga class full of girls
  4. Setting up a PETA booth at the Idaho State Fair
  5. Having a moped accident on live TV
  6. Watching Boogie Nights with my Mom
  7. Getting a job as a stage hand for the Hannah Montana Tour
  8. Cursed with permanent sand grain in mouth
  9. Teaching T Pain grammar lessons
  10. Eating this laptop

I swear on all that is holy I did not know they were retarded. I really thought the guy was just caught in a bad picture. That didn’t seem to matter and any other week I would apologize and make amends but this week proved to be too much. So I ran. I ran hard and fast with tie flapping in the wind. I think karma owes me an IOU for this week.

Think less of me?

Where Did You Go? Part 9

I have really been slacking on these, haven’t I? Oh well. It’s not like hundreds of people are waiting on an update or anything. Besides, I think if I added to the ‘where did you go’ page every month I may run out of people. Then I’ll have to start getting personal, calling out old elementary school chums like Danny P. who shit himself while playing the game “Red Light Green Light”. Makes you wonder how he turned out?

images1Lar Park Lincoln (Laurie Jill Park) is one of those actresses that everyone recognizes but few can put their finger on where they know her from. But not me! She was the hottest actress in the late 80’s and even though I thought her name was Ms. Hottie McHot Boobs, her career really flourished as a serious actress. Especially in the big budget but campy horror flicks like House II and Friday the 13th VII. You know that those type of movies impress me.

Lar also had a very busy TV career as well to include her long time role on Knots Landing, Tour of Duty, Hunter, Outlaws, Freddy’s Nightmares and of course…Murder She Wrote. I swear that every actor of the 80’s had to appear in an episode of Murder, She Wrote.  In fact, I’m going to temporarily post a new page, just to prove my point.

Lar is still working hard on the Hollywood front in acting, directing and as an author. Sadly, she is currently in a battle with breast cancer so I am sending her good vibes VeggeiMacabre style by burning a picture of what I think cancer looks like.

001155_3Aubree Miller? Who is Aubree Miller? Well, if you where a crack level Star Wars addict kid like I was then you are quite aware of who Ms. Miller is. She played Cindel, the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Towani in the made for TV movie The Ewok Adventure (1984) and The Battle For Endor (1985). I can remember going out of my mind when finding out there was an extension to the Star Wars saga that I could watch from the comforts of the couch, snuggling with a Hasbro X-Wing and eating 3PO cereal.

To be honest, I haven’t seen these episodes in 20 plus years so I can’t tell you much about them other than what is on IMDB. I can, however, say that  Wilford Brimley has a staring role in the second one and that by default makes it worth watching. But poor Aubree’s career never branched from Endor. Her only time in the lime light was the two Ewok mini-movies and you know what? That’s okay. It’s better to burn out than fade away, Aubree. Currently she is making Comic Con like appearances and living a normal life in Chico, Cali. Here she is today and sadly, I’m a year older than her. Goddamn it.

eric-dan-aubree-nhu-2005I can’t figure out who the two on the right are. I’m going out on a limb and say fans.

marilynmanson-gal-mythsYou know this was a long time coming. It’s Josh Saviano who played Paul Pfeifer from one of the greatest suburbia melodramas set in the late 60’s, The Wonder Years. I always had a connection with Paul. Perhaps it was the asthma/allergy open mouth breathing Paul always seemed to be doing. I was the sickly kid in school that was forced to buy apple juice in the milk line you know.

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Well, unfortunately Josh didn’t grow up to be Marilyn Manson like I believed up until a year ago. Now I am completely confused by the lyrics in the song, “Dope Show”. I imagined it to be the episode when Kevin and Paul learned about the female reproductive system in gym. I am rambling again. Anyway, Josh is an attorney now in NYC after attending Yale. Although he didn’t act after The Wonder Years, which was 99% of his Hollywood career, Milhouse on the Simpson’s was based off his character and he was on Reading Rainbow. Both pretty amazing, I must say.

8486273_111126054158I ask people all the time if they can name Bobcat Goldthwiat’s brother in the film, One Crazy Summer. So far, no one. But I can. And the only reason for that is, is for the longest time I thought they cast someone opposite of Bobcat’s character who detracted from his struggling vocal chords and twitchy movements. They needed someone who was…well…slightly “touched” or what they call  here in northern Idaho, a “slow-roller”. I really did think that Tom Villard, pictured above, was retarded. But nope! He wasn’t.

Tom was best known from his role in the 1980’s drama,” We’ve Got It Made” but he will always be known to me as Egg Stoke’s brother in the classic, One Crazy Summer. Once you are in an older John Cusack movie, you’ve pretty much made it in my eyes.

I tried finding a current picture of Tom but it turns out he’s dead. I hate finding things out this way. Unfortunately he succumbed to complications from the AID’s virus in 1994 and left us way too early. Sorry I thought you were retarded Tom. 😦

If you want to subject yourself to more, I have a page at the top with 1 through 8.

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