Tag: Halloween

Party City vs Kmart is to Evander Holyfield vs Steven Hawking

I have amazing memories as a kid, strolling the aisles of Kmart looking for the perfect costume or Halloween decor. It was the king of the super store back then and if you wanted to dress as Chewbacca or E.T. there was no better one-stop-shop than the well recognized large red K. But like any strong racehorse, eventually there is a faster more sleek horse that will do it better, more elaborate and in this case, far more Halloweenie and make the racehorse look like the smelly pony that gives all the kids at the party a rash. This is how I compare Kmart to Party City. But in all fairness, you can’t by a toaster at Party City. Let’s take a look at the faster horse first. This is Part City. GET DOWN!!!

Here we are and don’t they all look the same. I don’t know about you but I am never too excited about Party City. You can find them in most all large strip malls that include a Ross, Target and Babies-R-Us so if you are like me and may get stuck on a shopping excursion, this is the time of the year that Party City can save ass. In April…shoot me.

Great Nell Carter’s Ghost! This is how you do Halloween! The smell of rubber and latex permeates the air as the musical score of the moment is a cheesy 1990’s Nightmare On Elm Street rap. It wasn’t blaring loud like a Hot Topic but I could definitely tell it was about Nightmare On Elm Street by the Fresh Prince style lyrics, “…burned up like a weenie and his name was Fred.” This is something to be blogged about!

With so many different Halloween items all thrust together in a couple aisles, it’s easy to have it turn into a casserole of nonsense but it blends really nice. You have the gore with the gore, the zombies with the zombies and the cutesy with the cutesy without having to search through mounds of severed heads and viscera just to find a bunny in a pumpkin.

Zombies are still a huge hit I guess. The store is about 3/4 zombie while the rest is fog machines and plastic axes. It amazes me how desensitized zombies have made young kids. I saw a mother holding her, I guess, three-year-old and asking her if she wanted the zombie window cover or the ghosts. The zombie window cover was this:

Cute! Her arm is almost chewed off

Well, I guess that is the way kids are these days with there Iboxes and there Xphones. Had I seen that on someones window as a kid I would have skipped the house and gone right to therapy. Long over are the days when Tim Curry blended in with his green screen asking if anyone has seen his tambourine.

"Mr. Lucas, this is an ARF Troooper. It's also dog talk."

For the kids and adults who would rather just pick out an already manufactured costume, Party City is renown for having about three hundred different themes and characters. This one caught my attention because as a kid who grew up in the eighties and absolutely hate the direction George Lucas took Star Wars, I couldn’t help notice this kid’s costume of an Imperial..ARF Trooper? What the hell is that? Are they the K-9 unit of the universe? God, I just don’t know the world anymore. Luckily they still sell these:

Ah the oldie and goodie. It’s nice to see the old masks are still a seller here and above all else, the villains like Jason, Pinhead, the weird Motel Hell pig mask and Mike Myers are among the most popular. I especially love Chucky with his mullet.  To cost justify one of these, though, a kid at age twelve will have to be Freddy until he is twenty-seven.

Well, leaving Party City you have to dodge a swipe by the new Freddy. To be honest, he’s no Englund but I kind of like him. The movie made me a believer that a new generation of kids need to die in their sleep. Especially the ones who are responsible for Twilite and hipster apparel.

Now that we have seen a brief part of Party City’s Halloween presentation, lets take a look at the girl who still wears her high school letter jacket to the bar…Kmart.

Right away I knew Kmart was not the place to be by the mostly vacant parking lot on a Saturday afternoon. It is almost sad in a way because on my way in there were three employees smoking around the coin-operated rodeo duck and the sound of a rolling soda can blowing through empty lanes of the lot. This was the sign of a department store put out in the pasture.

As I went in there were no signs stating it’s the Halloween season like Target. No, I had to wander for a while before eventually finding it. I actually have a video of me doing so. Enjoy.

As you can see, there is less fanfare about the holiday Kmart used to own. Perhaps it’s just this particular Kmart but I really have a sense that this company is circling the drain and forty years from now I will be telling my grandkids that there was time when I used to ride my bike to the Kmart to buy slap-bracelets for five bees. Because that was the style at the time.

As you can see, the licensed Halloween ‘Totally Ghoul” is still putting out everything and anything for this asthmatic contender of a department store. I really like Totally Ghoul too because it is not cheap in design and it is cheap in price. Without breaking myself I can buy enough pumpkin lights to trick a 747 into landing on I-40.

This is proof that “Totally Ghoul” has nothing new in it’s product line for 2011. I remember Matt writing about these years ago and while I find this comforting to see a demon clown from years past, it is also a sign of the times. I don’t know why but I really love that guys tongue and his ability to floss with rope.

But this trip was not all for not! Oh no, it has inspired a new costume idea. Remember that disfigured white tiger in a zoo? Yeah, I thought it was pretty funny too. Imagine if he had a best friend who was a gorilla?

 

Whatever. I already know I’m going to hell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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THIS IS…my dumb website

Man, a lot has been happening over here at VeggieMacabre.TV and the fun is far from over. If you care to check it out you’ll see there are a few changes but the Halloween theme is still the main focus until November first. I’ll be focusing on the annual beer reviews, spooky road trips, various video nonsense and pretty much anything that doesn’t reflect my age. And if you couldn’t tell that from visiting, then I am an astronaut who has an affinity for fine chinchilla-skin socks that I raise on a farm in the South Hamptons. Whatever.

As you can see a few menu items have changed including a “Say Hi Here” page and you really should say hi there. Seriously, say hi there and like it on Facebook. A lot.

Also I have changed the article page and turned it into an interactive book with links to various articles from today and years past. I fully intend to make this the War and Peace of the web. War and Peace if Tolstoy was into beer, horror and running. I don’t think he was, was he? Anyway, this is pretty cool and not too difficult to browse.

Tomorrow is when I rock the FIFTH annual Fall Beer Review. If I had a kid when I started these he/she would be talking and not shitting his/herself anymore. Stay tuned and wang-chung.

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Target Is Off-Target…Fruit Snacks.Halloween. Dinosaurs.

Did you know there was a time when I took life too seriously? Really!  I had dreams and aspirations that took a very dedicated approach, completely devoid of a sense of humor or time to stop and smell the roses. Then I found the world of blogging and I was able to have an alter-ego of epic proportions. Here I can write about stupid movies and express how I imagine that chocolate versus vanilla are the cosmic center to all things worth fighting for. It’s an outlet that brings like-minded people closer to me and confuse those who are already in my life. Now that I have justified my hobby it is time to delve into another bizarre topic; Target and it’s Halloween magic carpet ride. Also…Halloween fruit snacks.

I am fascinated by marketing and advertising. Mainly the question of why consumers, for lack of a better word, consume. In an economy that is about as reliable as my great-aunt Rose in an American Gladiator competition, people still will pay hard-earned money on plastic skulls and rubber bats. And that is why I love this country. More over, the companies that provide such retail like Target.

In years past, Target has really been the place to go if you want to host a Halloween party that will make your neighbors like you more and piss off the guy on the block that stuffs flannel shirts and pants with hay, top it with a Freddy Krueger mask and say he has the best decorated house. Yeah, Target will give you the ammunition to make that guy invest in Christmas lights because Halloween is your time to shine. But like any heavy-hitter of a season, you can expect the luster to dim as years go by. I think this year Target didn’t go for the touchdown but rather went for the field goal. Here is a look at the Target here in North Carolina.

Okay, the reason for the bird is that I think I caught an underwear shot by accident. And before you accuse me of being a pervert taking cellphone pictures, I do know her. Trust me, it’s much weirder the fact that I am taking pictures of an aisle in Target. Anyway, here is the Target Halloween decor of 2011. Meh. I don’t know why, but it just feels kind of plain. Perhaps I expect too much?

I can’t really tell if everything is out yet or there is more to come but seeing how it is already mid-September I venture to think that all things Halloween should be displayed. I mean other stores stock Halloween items in July so I hope they are on the ball. Regardless, this is what we gots!

The lawn ornaments is where it’s at with me. I think it is a neighborly finger in the eye to all those who don’t celebrate the seasons and a great way to fire a shot across the bow to the bald jack-hole who puts silhouetted signs of a dog pooping with the word “NO” on his lawn. Target will give me the ability to drop his home equity for less than $50.

The diner decor is lost on me but the girlfriend likes it so I feel it is only fair to talk about it. I must admit I would love to drink my coffee from a ghost mug and though the jack-o-lantern place mats seem impractical for the purpose of protecting the table, I would still eat spaghetti off its face. It’s the little things, you know?

I don’t really understand the theme that Target has decided to go with this year. In seasons past we have had characters like three kids in their alter ego Halloween character representation (witch, ghost and devil) and the famous kitten-killer Domo. But this year seems a bit…plain-Jane. Kind of like the whole set up. It’s really hard to tell only visiting one Target of, I don’t know… ten thousand, but I am remiss if I think that each one has the ability to project the seasonal spirit of every single general manager. If that was the case, of all the Target gm’s in the world, this particular gm would be the Charlie Brownest.

Last year and I believe the year before that, DOTS candy had a wider variety of Halloween flavors to include Ghost DOTS, Candy Corn DOTS and (my favorite) Blood Orange DOTS. This year, I am sad to say, we are only able to buy Ghost DOTS which are just regular DOTS minus the food coloring. So really, the Tootsie Roll company is saving money. And we can all be happy for that. I take that back, eat it DOTS! I want Blood Orange Bat Black back!

Just like Target is known for, there is always something for everyone. My girlfriend, Groucho, has a very nostalgic connection with eyeball chocolate candy and I get that. Half of everything in this blog is a look back to events and items I hold dear. I just love that of all this Halloween retail and candy she gets taken with the oldie and goodie. *sigh*

I, myself, was taken with 30 dinosaurs for $4.00. I am not really sure what they have to do with Halloween but I do know that I love them. I guess it’s just the packaging, “30 Dinosaurs”. That is so simple yet so resounding to me. It makes me want to start an alternative instrument band and call it 30 Dinosaurs. Maybe 34 Dinosaurs. Because 31, 32 and 33 are just silly. And this is a serious blog!

One thing we both could agree on is this; a cup cake stand. I really don’t know anyone who can justify owning a cupcake stand for $4.99 or really a dozen cupcake stands because we all know cupcakes aren’t made solo, but it warms my heart to know these exist. I don’t think I would go with a bug though but rather a lunar module.

Okay, we have taken a quick trip through the Halloween aisle at Target and while it wasn’t a home run it did have a few gimmicky items that spoke volumes for the season of the witch but what about the candy? I am in my thirties and while I appreciate that this is a holiday for tooth decay, I have no real sweet tooth. Besides, what am I going to say about Snickers or Twizzlers that hasn’t been said a billion times before? No, I think the fact Blood Orange Ghost DOTS are discontinued is enough for me to boohoo the candy topic. I will, however, review something close to candy and arguably the same. Halloween theme fruit snacks!

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I feel justified to review fruit snacks over candy because it is closer to my heart. See, I happened to be the exact age Betty Crocker and Nabisco targeted in the 1980’s when Fun Fruits and Fruit Rollups hit the grocery shelves. They were my heroine. My crack. I was one time caught rubbing the plastic back sheet of a Fruit Rollup on my face behind the school playground. I’m better today. In fact I have learned to control my urges to mash six pouches of Garfield fruit snacks together to form one mega fruit snack and huff the empties because of two…er…three reasons. Here they are:

  1. They don’t make Garfield food products. Well, not in this country.
  2. I have found beer.
  3. I’m an adult.

I may have kicked my addiction but retro-love knows no bounds and I am here to review three different fruit snacks that align with Halloween and are available at fine Target markets near you. Unless you are Canadian or British. Then I am sorry and this whole article is a bit of a waste to you.

I’m going to go ahead and start with the Target brand first, aka, Market Pantry. From the box you really can’t discern these from ordinary fruit snacks other than the name “Halloween fruit snacks” and the picture of spooky shapes. (I use the term spooky as loosely as possible) I expect to find similar packaging for holiday-themed snacks in the former Soviet Union. But what is lacking in packaging creativity is made up for in shapes and taste. The flavors are grape, strawberry, peach, orange and raspberry but the thing that concerns me is that there is clearly a green fruit snack. What of these flavors constitute green? I am going out on a limb and saying raspberry because you could have any color and it could pass for raspberry. It pisses me off almost as much as the silent “p” in raspberry. More on that hatred later.

So, these are pretty good and I can say that with confidence now that I’m on my twenty-ninth pack. They are the same cheap alternative fruit snacks that Brach’s came out with to challenge Fun Fruits. Didn’t work though because they felt and tasted like gummy bears and didn’t stick to the teeth for weeks. I’ll wait to give the grades at the end.

Taking it a step up on the Halloween-theme we have Florida’s Own Au’some Nuggets. Sorry Rev.13 for the term “nugget”. I was pretty excited to see how they crammed 80 pouches into a box that size and had an “ah-ha” moment when I saw that they were the size of mouse heads. I had an even bigger “ah-ha” moment when I saw that the fruit snacks were the size of mouse shit.

I don’t know what I was expecting when I read “nugget” but I was certainly confused how they boasted being a fruit snack. These were Chicklets that you ingest. My girlfriend did the math breakdown since she is an engineer and she figured that in order to equate the same amount in grams as the other fruit snack boxes, you would have to spend twenty dollars to the five dollars that the other boxes cost. I don’t know. This isn’t a financial blog, it’s a blog about idiotic crap and this box of fruit snacks is the poster child. I will say that if you eat them as they are intended they are not half bad. The four flavors are grape, orange, apple and strawberry and they taste shockingly good! Too back you have to eat thirty to achieve that.

Ah, the one that I saved for last. Betty Crocker, you pulchritudinous vixen of snack time. I love you in a way no man should ever love a box.(please don’t read into that) This artwork maybe the result of a community college online graphic design course but this…this is my Mona Lisa. It hits the season like it should be hit; hard and with no regret. This is the way I buy my fruit snacks and will choose to do so far into my diaper years. Nothing can go wrong with these. Nothing.

Hmm. That is funny. Why do they look so fuzzy? This texture isn’t like any Betty Crocker fruit snack I have seen before? Could it…could it be?* Gasp!* They are mother fing gluten-free!!!! Whaaaa? The binding product that molds the perfectly pro-cavity snack has been left out leaving this sweet…nutrasweet-tasting morsel of foul. I feel like I am eating dried dates and papaya! If I wanted to eat fruit I wouldn’t be eating fruit snacks!!!! JUDAS!

I feel like Gage at the end of Pet Semetary after he has been injected with the poison. No fair. No fair.

Well, I have to grade these and seeing how giving them an ABCDF standard grade doesn’t really match up to fruit snacks I will make up my own system. See if you can understand the coinciding grades.

Market Pantry (Target brand) Halloween fruit snacks:

  • Creative box design- waffle-soled running shoe in dog shit
  • Fruit Snack shapes- band new tennis ball smell
  • Taste- Cheez-Its and a Coke

Florida’s Natural Au’some Nuggets:

  • Creative box design- Inside the car during an automatic car wash with your favorite CD
  • Fruit Snack shapes- A gallon glass jar of picks dropped on the foot on a 30 degree morning
  • Taste- Daisies

Betty Crocker’s Halloween Fruit Snacks:

  • Creative box design- Beer and everything feels like rabbit fur
  • Fruit Snack shapes- An October Saturday night in a corn maze. With beer.
  • Taste- A shart in yoga class.

So I have needlessly rambled off a holiday post that is now…2061 words?!?! Man, I am sorry for that. But thanks for coming to Target with me and spinning around the world of Fruit Snacks! That was fun!

OH! Before I forget, while the sign may say Halloween, they really want you to start thinking about Christmas. REE! REE! REE! REE! (Sounds from Psycho)


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The Myers House: Take 2

Hey, remember a few weeks ago when I found out there was a couple that built the exact replica of the original Myers House from the 1978 horror classic, Halloween and I took off on a quest to see it? Yeah, I wasn’t too successful at that, was I? Well, through the power of patience, email and taking the thirty seconds to read the website, I was able to score a one on one chat with the very people who constructed and live in the house that resided the Boogieman. The Shape. Micheal Myers.

I meant for this first meet to really be a Q and A but seeing as I am coming back in a few weeks to actually shoot a video while they film a movie there, I thought it to be a tad redundant. Also, about 2.5 minutes before I pulled up a huge tree fell over blocking the driveway so I really didn’t want to hang around too long as yard work sure to commence. But that didn’t diminish the warm hospitality Kenny and Emily showed  me as I ogled at the movie brought to life in front of my very eyes.

Obviously I asked about a thousand questions that everyone else has but there were a few facts that were not so much surprising as they were genuinely endearing. You see, it’s not like they built this for the reason to gain notoriety or fame. That couldn’t be further from it. If that was the case why would they build it in no-where North Carolina? No, just a fan who followed a dream and is kind enough to share it with people like myself. And by doing just that, fame and notoriety did follow. This house has been shown on many television networks, featured in numerous magazine articles and Kenny was recently interviewed for the Biography Channel’s documentary, Halloween: Inside Story. Kenny and Emily also host many film productions that are set right there at their home as well as an annual Halloween bash that brings hundreds of people from all over the United States.

Inside the home it only gets better. I am not exaggerating when I say that it is a museum. Kenny has an extensive collection of all things Halloween including rare collectables to personalized movie props that were given to him by the horror music master Rob Zombie. It is impossible to take it all in but his tour was very impressive. I did want to ask him if he ever got tired of the Halloween decor but he beat me to it and said a lot of the decorations only come out around October because he found himself losing a bit of the thrill after a while. I think living in the Myers home and losing the thrill and fun of this season would be a tragedy but he still has it.

As far as the inside decor, the home layout is very similar to the specifications of the original but as Kenny put it, Emily wouldn’t stand for the 1960’s look as we see through the eyes of a six year old killer in a clown mask. Their home is very beautiful and it blends a  modern look with some amazing oil paintings of scenes from, you guessed it, Halloween.

All in all this is less of a interview post and more of proof that I have been to the famous NC Myers House like I said I would. I had a wonderful chat with Emily and Kenny and so grateful they shared their home and passion for the quintessential independent horror film, Halloween. I love meeting people who have any passions in life but when they include horror movies, they are automatically best friends. So, to really give Kenny and the Myers House the just deserves, I will wait to film a real interview in a few weeks and make it all…professional looking. It deserves it and you will all be in for a real treat.

Click the link below and look for yourself!

Thanks Emily and Kenny! You have a lovely home.

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Eddie’s Trick Shop Revisited

In the Fall of 1987 I was an absolute little shit. A unconsoling, blubbering, ashole-ish child that pleaded night and day to his hard-working father who was merely trying to keep the family fed and sheltered for an inevitable “beneath the bed” toy. From the beginning of September to the second week of October, Dad held out until the four millionth “gimme gimme gimme, I need I need” was too much and he caved. He caved over a twenty-dollar Freddy Kruger glove. An item that was worth not even two dollars but that was no matter. In my mind this glove needed to be worn by me during all hours of the day and not just Halloween night.

You see, I never planned an entire Fred Krueger costume for that Halloween. All I wanted was the glove. And where can one find that particular costume accessory? Why Eddie’s Trick And Costume Shop in Marietta Georgia of course, the mecca of Halloween. Recently I came back to see if this home of the macabre was still operating as I remembered it, some twenty-four years ago.

The center to the city of Marietta is an unclosed square made up of 5 parts antique shops, 2 parts restaurants, and a dash of nostalgic glory that is Eddie’s Trick Shop. Today, of course, it has lost a bit of its luster due to the fact that half the store is dedicated to ballerina and dance apparel but the magic of the trick shop is still a focal point.

I know, I know…the picture is blurry. And it kills me that the most important shot of the post is screwed up but it’s all I got. So let’s pretend and just take my word for it, there is amazing stuff all over. Okay? We cool?

There are a few glass cases around Eddie’s that hold all sorts of wonder from severed limbs to novelty dollars with Obama’s face on them to fake dog shit to fake puke.  Hell, they even had…

Yup, liquid ASS. “The worst smell since the famous stink bomb” and only $5.95! The part, however, that was the real seller was the promise that there are thousands of uses. Thousands, eh? Why do I really want to see the Shamwow/Slap Chop guy pitch this?

Of course we had to take a look at the 2011 Halloween mask aisle that hasn’t really ever changed since the 1970’s and I love that oh so much. Sure, the masks look a bit more realistic but it is comforting to know that kids can still gaze at the display just as they did in ’78. Perhaps less risk of lead paint inhalation and sudden combustion. There were a lot more people who smoked back then, you know?

The glove/hands of a costume seem to be a bit more eccentric than I remember. They are 8 times the size of the mask so me being the bum I am, I have to ask, how does one hold a beer? This trivial dilemma is lost on a 12-year-old I know but seriously,  that is something to take into account. Moving on.

Another big innovation to the Halloween craft of dress-up is the anatomical or medically accurate, I should say,  scars and wounds that today’s kids can inflict on themselves. “Slashed Trachea” is one of those kits I can’t recall. Let’s see…I had fake blood, vampire teeth, witch warts and maybe pale zombie completion but a slashed trachea? I wonder if they have ocular contusion kit? I guess that would be just a black eye. I’ll stick with the masks.

Some people find beauty in a sunset. Some in the innocent wonder of a child’s eyes. Some people find it in a bond between people who are in love. Me? I find it in a plastic skeleton rock band. And that is why I want to be your president for the United States of America. If this was in my house it would be in the kitchen.

I will leave you with the ol’ cliché’ rabbit in the hat trick. Sure Eddie’s Trick Shop lost a few steps over the years and I really don’t know if that is the shop or me? Perhaps Eddie has not changed but seeing this as a man rather than a boy makes it a tad less wondrous. I would imagine that to be true but I also think Halloween was a bigger deal back in the eighties. It’s hard to tell the difference between our adult mind and the memories as a child. I think that is why I always come back to these places. I never want those to fade.

Wait a minute….I wonder. They couldn’t possibly still carry it could they?

Great Nell Carter’s Ghost they do!!!!

And it is still a piece of shit.

 

 

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