Ruprecht: The Christmas Reindouche

Meet Ruprecht

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Ruprecht is a Reindeer that is sired from Samhain’s loins and born from ill-gotten stock. His means are of the ne’er-do-well purpose and will always plot your demise no matter how bad you want to scratch his cat-like chin. He is a demon who makes Pazuzu look like Odie. He hates you.

I am not sure what the reasoning is but Ruprecht has a special assignment with Veggiemacabre this Christmas and I am pretty sure it’s from a drunken Ouija board night when I asked for Powerball numbers. My lotto picks usually have three sixes in them. Too many Satanic movies have a money driven subplot for me to ignore.

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*sigh* He’s a real dick, that Ruprecht, but we are stuck together through the holiday season and it’s our mission to write and make videos of everything Christmas. If I refuse, he just might kill me.

Seriously, did you ever see the movie Tales From the Darkside when the cat jumped down David Johansen’s throat? Yeah, that shit can happen if I look at him wrong. Also, if I  forget to remove Mikes from his Mike and Ikes, change the channel in the middle of Judge Judy or fail to include Tyler Perry’s name before any of his movie titles. 

So, long story short, Ruprecht and I will be guiding you through this crazy holiday and if your soul is in limbo, he just might collect it. But don’t be scared, I could probably talk you free from a hellish limo with a friendly wager of Go Fish. He sucks at 50/50 wagers.

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Beware! You will be visited by a post at the stroke of something-sometime tomorrow. Keep your shit wired tight and remember, keep repeating, this is only a blog…this is only a blog…this is only a blog.

Tis the Season.

Sriracha Candy Canes?

This blog is no stranger to candy canes. Last year and the year before I did a pretty extensive review of all candy canes from the Smarties flavored ones to Jolly Rancher. It caused some awkward moments at the dentist the following month but it was well worth it to let the world know where these Christmas treats, which double as tree ornaments, stand. It’s my duty as a silly blogger.

I was positive that I tapped the cane market. They couldn’t possibly have come out with any more variations. I wrote damn near $200 off my taxes in just candy canes last year (kidding IRS) so if they made another version, I would certainly know about them.

And then I strolled into World Market.

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SRIRACHA CANDY CANES!

You have got to be kidding me. I have been boasting to know the entire candy cane market only to get one-upped by a flavor that should not be.

The Canadian company, J&D Home Enterprises has defied all that is holy and infused Sriracha hot sauce with candy, colored it red, green and white and molded it into a cane. It’s 90% evil with 10% awesome and that is 100% VeggieMacabre approved. You might say nothing is sacred anymore but we live in a time when you can quit smoking by sucking on bubblegum flavored vapor. I don’t know.

Now I have to eat this craziness.

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When breaking off a piece I immediately noticed a marrow that I am assuming is the Sriracha blend. It smelled like a regular candy and the first bite tasted like a regular candy cane but soon something else began to creep in. Yikes! It’s pretty darn spicy especially in the back of the throat and the sweet-tasting spot on the tongue (front center). I even felt a little heartburn after I finished. *swoon*

I think I love these Sriracha candy canes more than I should. In fact, I am looking for a mountain cabin getaway for the both of us. These things are my new favorite Christmas candy by a mile. Even though they don’t bear a liking to the Huy Fong Sriracha sauce we have come to love and put on everything, it has a kick that will leave you confused to why you have all twelve canes shoved in your mouth.

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I bought these fine candy canes at World Market for around five bucks and if you have a tough time finding them in you area you can certainly order them at here. Trust me, if you like something spicy and new, you should probably buy at least forty boxes because they are awesome. Even on the back of the box it states “…great for tricking children…”. Come on, maaaan!

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