Candy Corn Coffee

CANDY. CORN. COFFEE.

It’s fun to say, no? I was a little skeptical when I saw the Fall flavored coffee in Target last week but I took the plunge and decided that is the fuel to drive me out of bed each morning.

The good people at Archer Farms gave us a few different flavors for the Autumn season like Pumpkin, Butter Rum and, of course, Candy Corn. Pumpkin and Butter Rum are nice but for this review I gotta stick to the odd and macabre so Candy Corn gets the nod for a review.

I love the smell of coffee, especially right out of the package before the brewing process. I have been known to get hypoxia in a Fresh Market from taking hundreds of deep smelling inhales around the coffee barrels. It’s a problem and I am seeking help. And this bag is no help. It smells like heaven and I have a hard time putting it down. It’s sweet and buttery, much like a real bag of candy corn. That’s where the true test lies.

Candy corn is a deceiving beast. It will lure you with its amazing aroma and when you put it in your mouth, it breaks a part and the brain immediately believes you are trying to eat an inedible object. Candy corn is truly the chap stick of candy.

Lucky for me, you and the people at Archer Farms, coffee translates different when smell-to-taste comparisons are involved. It tastes better! I was so happy to take the first sip and not taste a waxy plastic but instead buttery, warm and a touch of sweetness for the palate. I love this coffee. I love that this coffee loves me. We are getting married this November so watch out for “save the date” invites.

My coffee maker, “THE BREW MASTER”, and I are not as close. It’s impossible to make coffee in the morning without involving half a roll of paper towels. I would buy a new one but the only time I make that commitment is 5:30 in the morning and that motivation is long gone by lunchtime. One of these days it’s going to involve electricity, me and a funny smell my neighbors will complain about. Until then, Brawny and I will have a close monetary bond.

I give this coffee an A+++++ because of the wonderful aroma, pleasant taste and Halloween theme. It is absolutely the perfect way to start the day when you look this bad at 0′ Dark Thirty in the morning and it’s cold and rainy outside.

The pumpkin is just so-so. I made the mistake of buying really expensive pumpkin coffee before Archer Farms so I had already spoiled my taste buds.

Go get some Candy Corn Coffee! You will not regret it. I think it’s around $8 a bag.

October 10, 2013 3

Jekyll And Hyde

Last week I had to go up to New York City on a business trip. It’s part of the reason why I haven’t been so involved with the site for the Halloween countdown. Sometimes work just does that. But I did happen to pay a visit to a spot where Halloween rules the roost and it rescued me from having to pull an article from my fourth point of contact. (Airborne reference) This special place is a restaurant/bar near Greenwich Village called, Jekyll and Hyde and it is everything and more when it comes to a spooky good time. You’ll fall in love.

Call it fate, call it karma…I believe there was a reason I decided to walk to my client’s office instead of cabbing it. Had I taken a cab there is no way I would have walked past a street sign with the words “Spooky Hour” chalked on it. Or would I have seen the adorable ghosts and ghouls painted on the windows. It’s as if a higher power said, Will/Bill’s blog sucks and he needs a gift”. It was a gift and if you are in the area, this gift is also yours.

There are two Jekyll and Hydes in NYC; one in Greenwich Village and another in Times Square. This is not the one in Time Square though I am told that’s the better one. Sorry folks, I plumb ran out of time. I’m only reviewing this one and can not vouch for the other although the manager says it’s a lot more elaborate.

I know this is a really dark photo but what you are looking at is a fully functional animatronics dining room. Every decoration has a little more to it that what you think. From a werewolf’s head on the wall to painting with eyes that follow you around the room. It’s creepy but in a really cute way. I like to compare it to a satanic Chuck E Cheese. The even have arcade games. Well, an arcade game.

As you can see, I wasted no time making friends because I knew I would be here for a while so I may as well have the locals get used to me and my nagging nags. This is Anna, an awesome bartender, actress and all around cool person. We talked for hours and I learned more about the sketchy side of New York City than a dude from a little old town in North Carolina should. But I loved it.

She and the manager gave me the full tour of the place since I was the only person there for three hours so I have quite a bit to show you. I almost felt a little guilty about eating up their quiet time but I bought them lunch proving there is nothing that can’t be accomplished with the persuasion of tacos.

In a break from conversation this dude popped out from behind the curtains and said something eloquent but it caught me so off guard, I nearly threw my beer at him. I wish I could remember what he said but at that time I looked like a stupid tourist, caught up in something that happens three hundred times in a week.

See? This is a place that has surprises around every corner and in this case, a coffin door behind a curtain with a sophisticated corpse. I love it.

Like they say, you only rent the beers you drink and soon I was in search for a men’s room but that too was an adventure. At the far end of the dining room there is a long hallway lined with bookcases. I walked down to the end and back again, met with the staff who giggled at my obvious discomfort and total confusion. Anna said to try harder and read the clues like the sign at the end of the hall. Makes one wonder how much puke they clean up on a busy Saturday night from a drunk patron who had no time for clues or hidden doors.

Okay, so it’s not the best clue. I had already done that maneuver on my own. It is kinda cute though, don’t you think? Where else can you solve a puzzle while having a pee-pants incident at age 35?

Oh we have much success! I just prayed that I hadn’t found the woman’s restroom instead. I lead a life of 50/50’s and I am 100% wrong all he time. Lucky for me, this was a fluke.

After that little adventure, I wandered back to my bar stool, well aware of the eyes following me from painted pictures and eyeballed skeletons. When I passed the manager he asked if I wanted to see one of the animatronics shows while I was in the dining room. I said no. NO WAY I WOULD MISS IT!

I took this crappy video on my iPhone so you’ll have to bear with it. I never anticipated having enough time to get a real video on this trip.

Wow, that video is pretty terrible and super huge on this WordPress blog but you get the point. It’s a room of mechanical wonders and not too far off from the Rock-A-Fire Explosion.

I sat back down, completely satisfied with my experience so far only to find out they have an upstairs.

They have an upstairs? And it’s just like this only darker and more macabre? I don’t mean to sound easy to please but if you have singing skeletons, hot bartenders, beer and bathrooms behind bookshelves, I am yours. To add to that is like telling me I won a monkey who plays the ukulele and makes perfect lasagna. It’s beyond a bonus.

There are two stairways to the second floor; one leads to Bwana Bob’s Safari Bar and the other to Laboratory Lounge. I had to rub my eyes because now we are talking about three distinctly different bars all strange and unusual, just like me. I can’t decide which is better so I will say their personalities crossed the finish line together.

It’s a weird thing to be in an empty bar full of skeletons and angry tiki masks with the sun shining bright while monkey sounds and native chanting bellow from the speakers. It’s surreal for a place that had been established in the early thirties, the creep factor was high. I absolutely can’t show you everything without turning this into more of a picture blog than it already is so I will share the ones I thought painted with the broadest brush.

It was really cool of the manager to join me after I wandered around for thirty minutes. He said that this part of the restaurant isn’t open to the public but they are working to restart it. He went to the control room (which I have plenty of photos but don’t feel comfortable sharing) to start up the animatronics show. Before I knew it skulls appeared out of the walls, mouthing to the headhunter songs as the bridge rippled up and down. They really include the patron into the show and I find that so neat because getting drunk should always be an experience.

If you are going to drink a mai tai, you should drink one sitting next to a skeleton in an aviator’s cap, pretending you are stranded on an island full of tribes who will shrink your head and probably eat you. Another positive note, no malaria carrying mosquitos!

After I took in all of Bwana Bob’s Safari Bar, I walked to the next room that was not nearly as fun but certainly as cool, the Laboratory Lounge. I couldn’t get over what a change in atmosphere it was because there was no separation between the two rooms! Amazing what a skylight can do.

It’s no secret that life-size monster statues are my thing. Especially the ones that have creepy signs with stories from horror literature. This is a two-headed abomination that a mad scientist created only to have it turn and kill him. Pretty dark but this is a place for it to hangout. Don’t try to buy it a drink because your bill will always be double. (I’ll be here all week folks!)

Here’s another couple that let’s you know you’re not at a Chili’s. We see a patient and a doctor before what looks like an attempted surgery sans the drugs. It might be just me but that doctor looks like he got his MD online. And looking closer, it appears he’s being coached by his patient. That’s kind of high for a vasectomy. I’m sure they’ll get it right after a few attempts.

I would show more photos but the Lab was getting renovated to be open for the Halloween season so besides a few more skeletons and a bat..thing, there really isn’t much to show for now. I am sure it’s pretty insane since my visit.

I made my way back down the other stairway to grab another beer and gush over what I’ve seen. I must have sounded like a person from a country full of famine who discovered a Whole Foods. They had a good laugh at my “and then I saw…and after that…did you see…” type gibberish.

Pretty soon my mouth began to get dry. You know you’re pretty high when your mouth is dry. I had to say my long goodbyes and throw cash at Anna. Parting is always such sweet sorrow but I still had a meeting with a lady on a rooftop bar back at the hotel and slurring is not something I mask well when talking about financial and techno mumbo-jumbo. Plus, I heard a rumor that the people who own the Jekyll and Hyde’s also own this little hotspot around the corner:

That’s for next time.

I also needed real pizza.

Thanks for reading and if you have the time, means and are close to New York City, pay them a visit. It’s a neat place to have a beer. Or ten.

September 30, 2013 6

I Love The Smell Of Fall In The Morning

It’s a tough time of the season when you want all of the Halloween stuff out right now but most retailers (looking at you Target) are more concerned with backpacks and *enter boy band here* covered Trapperkeepers. It’s a tease. We are at the 10:20am mark before the menu switches and everyone is fully committed, so you have to kinda take what you get until then. That’s why this morning I am writing about smells of the demonic. Or maybe just Fall.

Searching Target in vain for anything spooky I settled on their mild nod to the season in the Fall scent aisle. They have a few purely Fall titled sprays between Glade and good ol’ Febreze. If you are not into spays because you think the Ozone still has a sunroof, don’t worry your hippy hair, they make them all in both candles and plug-ins. I picked up the sprays because I need a limited example of each. I can’t smell up each room in my house for this review.

Actually, that would have been pretty cool. Double Shits!

First on the list we have “Salted Caramel” from Glade, an SC Johnson product. At first glance I thought this to be both amazing and totally Halloween. At first smell, however, I thought this was more “Midnight Cowboy” from CVS. It’s a heavy scent that really doesn’t leave one area. By that I mean there is no permeation but a solid mass that waits for unsuspecting people to walk through it, sticking to their face like a spider web or swarm of mosquitos. You won’t get it out of the back of your throat no matter how many pumpkin beers you gargle with.

The description states it has a “…pop of salty and sweet caramel fragrance.” which is odd. I have smelled sweet things but I can’t recall an account of smelling salty things. Maybe the ocean. I don’t know. C-.

Switching from candy to leaves, Febrese Air Effects has a their “Falling Leaves” limited edition spray. I was immediately attracted to this for some reason. I think it is just specific memories of cool mornings walking home from a Friday night bash, smelling the wet leaves and cursing the 6am Saturday runners. It’s a distant memory but still an effective one.

But this can does not capture that olfactory sense at all. I think they captured Great Aunt Ann rather than anything Fall. You know the smell; make-up and sixty year old perfume? Yeah, you do. This is another air spray that is better suited to kill any offensive oder by masking it with a different but equally offensive oder. It smells and hangs heavy in the air like an invisible bag of piss, waiting for an unsuspecting passer-by who will most likely have their mouth open. D.

Here is another SC Johnson product from Glade and this is interesting. “Hayride”? I never knew a Hayride was an attractive smell. If memory serves me right it’s a mix of allergic attack and either horse poop or tractor exhaust depending on which mode of pull the farm chooses. It’s like their “Salted Caramel” idea, I just hope it’s not executed the same.

I like it! It’s really interesting and it does remind me of a Fall scene. It’s not quiet Hayride but it smells a lot like the first day of school. I can’t explain it but taking a huff off this can I am walking into Mt. Bethel Elementary with a backpack larger than my torso and velcro shoes. It’s really incredible! I love it and this is going in the den rather than the last two who are banished to the bathrooms. A-. (The minus is only because it’s not Hayride. That might be a good thing.)

Finally we come to another Glade spray and while this one isn’t original what so ever, I do believe my saturated nose will enjoy this. “Orchard Apple Cinnamon” can not not smell amazing. It just can’t!

Oh wow. Wow that smells a lot like one of those 365 days a year Christmas shops. When I take a whiff from this I am surrounded by thirty fake and tacky Christmas trees with tacky decor while fat tourists wearing fanny packs slowly meander through the narrow aisles eating soft serve out of a cup. THIS IS NOT HALLOWEEN! WAIT YOUR TURN SPRAY! C. (Will be an A when November first arrives.)

So there you have it. None of these scream Halloween and only one really has something to be proud of. Go to Target and spray these around to see..er…smell for yourself. I am fairly certain “Hayride” will be in your cart. The other three can be used to kill spiders.

Sorry the countdown hasn’t been totally wheels up since my job is not sympathetic to my demon worshiping self but hang on, shit’s about to get real.

OH! And guess who started their Halloween Countdown? Matt from Dinosaur Dracula started his chainsaw and it’s amazing. Please go there now. NOW! (Click the header)

August 31, 2013 0

Fall Beer Review 2013: Part 1

Holy heck, I have been doing the Fall beer reviews since August of 2007! It all started at a Kroger grocery store in Augusta, Georgia when I stumbled on a JW Dundee craft pack that inspired a nostalgic trip that I shared on a very young VeggieMacabre. It also led to Pepp-o-lanetern. From then on I have made the annual tradition of Fall beer reviewing for my pleasure and the few who care about the a.b.v. percentage in a beverage with dead leaves on the bottle.

This year will be a real banner year for the site because the Halloween countdown is around the corner and I have no less than six fall craft packs to yap about. There are more but I have committed to six. Since the Halloween countdown will overlap the Fall Beer Review, expect to see some spooky shenanigans.

Starting out on the right foot, Magic Hat Brewing Company out of S. Burlington, Vermont, has hit another home run and managed to mix autumn brand beers with straight-up Halloween glory in their “Night of the Living Dead” variety pack featuring two new beers; the Seance and Deveiled. I won’t spoil the video review but please check out their site too. It’s to disembowel for.

August 14, 2013 3

Ghostbusters Retro-Action!

I am about to go down a road not often traveled here on VeggieMacabre. That road involves toys. But it’s okay because it also involves Ghostbusters, too!

Mattel’s The Real Ghostbusters Retro-Action figures were a 2011 release exclusively at Toys R Us stores and this flew well below my radar. Luckily for me, I was able to acquire this particular action set (?) for $25 from an incredibly weird toy vender who used a wheel chair but rolled it by shuffling her feet. She also haggled with me on the price which was clearly sticker-ed. This is what I get for shopping at flea market store that could be destroyed by a leaf blower.

There are few oddities which propelled me to purchase this item. Okay, there were a few oddities that made me buy this item.

The first is the “adult collection” classification. It seems a bit odd that they marketed this purely for the adults who were of the age to appreciate the old line of toys in the late 1980s and 90’s. I am not a betting man but my assumptions are there are plenty of Samhain decapitated heads rolling around toy rooms as we speak. So to limit the marketability to only adults with a cute Slimer and a sweet proton pack seems limiting, at best.

EDIT: Just looked up this set on eBay and it’s going for $79.00. So, goddamn it. Ignore my last.

Second, and most importantly, the “GIANT 22″” cardboard firehouse that I desperately needed for more ridiculous decor in the office. It was the thing that stood out the most, even surpassing one of the best villain in The Real Ghostbusters, Samhain. But I will tell you, it’s a huge bitch to put together.

Well, against better judgement, I devalued this action pack by 200% and pried it open to take a closer look at what we have. Not much of a mystery from the enclosed case but I will say these figures are pretty detailed! Right down to the boots.

Like I said earlier, I am not much on toy reviews. I like them and have been known to review a few from time to time but I mostly leave that type of article to the professionals like Matt from Dinosaurdracula.com or some YouTube celebrity with a trust fund to burn. Right now I am out for decor for my juvenile office and a chance to have Slimer, Samhain and a cardboard firehouse was too much of a temptation. Janine is no concern to me. I wish it was Rick Moranis.

I think we should start with the weapons…er…ghost-catching equipment. Let me make a stupid diagram real quick.

1. P.K.E. Meter: Psychokinetic Energy Meter that is used to detect the whereabouts of paranormal activity. I guess it measures ghost stuff and brackets it in a numbered value. Here are the parameters:

200-300 = No Threat, small to no paranormal activity.

301-450 = Trouble, you have a faint trace of a spook.

451-550 = Biblical Proportions

Is it just me or is “faint trace of a spook” to “biblical proportions” quite a jump? That’s like picking up on a red-tailed shark and the next step is great white. You would think Egon would be concerned.

2. Proton Pack Mark 1: The most recognizable of the arsenal it consists of two parts: The Nuclear Accelerator Backpack (Proton Pack, Positron Collider, Cyclotron.) and Particle Thrower (Proton Gun, Ion Wand, Ion Cannon, Neutrona Wand.). It is nuclear powered and I am sure it required a testicle shield but since ol’ Bug-Eyes was donning this, no nut-shield was needed.

3. Ghost Trap: I guest this can be described as a mini-containment unit. The Trap is an Electromagnetic Field Generator that is encased in an extremely strong and powerful Steel Grid and the EMF draws ghosts into the trap. The Trap is connected to a six to eight feet cable, which is connected to a “Stomp-on Pedal”. It requires at least 48 hours to charge ensuring if I was a Ghostbuster, I would be totally screwed all the time when it came to the final process of catching a ghost. I always have a 1/3 charge on my phone.

4. Barcharach Sniffer 300: So this will blow you frickin’ mind. It’s a real piece of equipment from a true company that specializes in equipment that detects gas and vapor. I really thought this was the most ridiculous of the bunch! And…now we learned something. It tests ionized traces left by P.K.E. activity, and can be used to date the occurrences of paranormal activity. It was created by Bacharach/United Technologies. “One of our little toys.”

In case you are impressed with my extensive knowledge of Ghostbuster gear, don’t. I got it all from here. I really want to hug the people or person who made this.

Before we jump to the characters I want to look at the absolute pain the fire house was to assemble. It was like constructing one of those elaborate paper airplanes made to look like a F-15. It has too many pieces that hated one another so you had to force them together like telling brothers hug. (Two Two Two analogies in one!)

You have to admit it’s a pretty cool idea they had to include a Ghostbuster HQ in the packaging. I hope this catches on with other “adult” collections like He-Man comes with a Grey Skull castle front. I see great things in paper-cutouts for the future.

This gif isn’t spectacular but it’s a brief glimpse of my frustration as I tried over and over to stand the damn thing up. Finally, I had it pieced together but if anyone looked close, there’s no way this building is to code. As Egon said, “I think it should be condemned…”. Thank goodness for Ray.

Now that the main reason for buying this action set is built and displayed I guess it’s time to move on to the characters themselves. I think I will start off with my favorite and one Hell of a villain, Samhain. He was the super boss if there was one in the series, The Real Ghostbusters, and probably peaked a 700 on the ol’ P.K.E. meter. Though I don’t think he’s quite as cool as the Sandman because he lacked a theme song, I do think when it comes to Halloween inspired bad dudes, you can’t beat him.

This is a pretty cool likeness to the cartoon from the glowing eyes to the tiny teeth to the magic cape which apparently is the source of powers to the…black boots? I didn’t know the demon of Halloween had feet? Makes you wonder what else this guy has for accessories? Does he have a utility belt? Perhaps a satchel full of candy corn?

Holy shit! Apparently Samhain is a fan of palates. That dude is ripped and if it wasn’t for his bulbous head full pumpkin guts, I would say he is a chick magnet.

This keeps getting more uncomfortable, doesn’t it? Not only is Samhain a palates guru but likes black underwear. (Des Webb) There is something to be said for a villain who wears a magical robe with only black underwear and boots underneath.

If I elaborate any further on Samhain’s physique and black undies, people might get the wrong idea about this blog so I will continue on with…

COME ON!!!

I think I am going to skip Janine. I am not being misogynistic but as far as the character goes, I was never a fan. I loved her in the first Ghostbusters but after that, no. I will say, Samhain isn’t doing Xtreme Fitness Tap Out Douche training for nothing. He may be looking to infiltrate the Ghostbusters, if you know what I mean. Heh.

And while he is busy doing that, I think Slimer may take this opportunity to work Samhain’s magic robe for his own cause.

Not knowing the true power of the cape from the Netherworld, he sputters Slimer-like sentence fragments and toots, wishing to the dark forces for an eternal supply of candy. Only this disgusting spud can have unlimited and unchecked power and use it for junk food.

Janine and the Prince of Halloween were already in the Showbiz hot tub that Louis Tully had won several years ago in a skeetball contest south of Cape Cod. Too distracted by lust, they had no idea Slimer had summoned Satan himself to deliver Earth crushing loads of candy. Black underwear has powers that Janine could not break away from.

But Slimer forgot one thing about black Halloween magic; you don’t quite get what you think.

The Dark One delivered on the request but much to Slimer’s chagrin, it was a lifetime supply of pina colada jellybeans.

All-in-all, not a bad set. I guess it wasn’t made to be played with because the characters can stand about as well as Larry Flint. The legs are way too loose. Everything else was pretty spot on including the giant firehouse which was the highlight of the whole set. Aside from the construction, of course. B grade.

That concludes the dumbest shit I have ever written. I have been writing so much in reference to the Halloween countdown which is starting just around the corner, I sometimes forget no one will come if they forget you are here so…I am here! Please don’t forget me.

Oh! And here is the addition to the office. The giant Ghostbuster Firehouse. Meh.