Every so often I find out that I have been wrong about a particular saying, name, word, ect. Today it was a song. I have been singing this in the car for years only to be corrected when I muttered the words under my breath. The girl in the office asked, “what are you singing?” Immediately I became self conscious as I slowly muttered what I sang. Of course hysterical laughter followed suit as I asked what the real lyrics were. I was way off.
The song was “Voices Carry” by ‘Til Tuesday. It has always been a great song in my mind but I have been consistently wrong about the lyrics and what the song was about. I haven’t even watched the video until today. Not only did I have it wrong years ago but I self corrected the lyrics and made it worse.
The line “Hush hush, keep it down, Voices carry” never sounded that way to me. I originally thought it was “Hello Josh. You came downtown. This is Kerry”. As if the boyfriend or who ever, came late to downtown to meet his girl who is introducing him to her friend Kerry. I even had a scene in my head about how the interaction would go. Well, that was wrong and the more I thought about it the sillier it seemed. So I changed it.
Now it was “Oh Josh, keep it down now, you’re so scary.” That was the line I shot out this morning. It seemed to be more conducive with the tone of the song but alas, this too was wrong. So I get to be taunted for the next week or too with ‘Voices Carry” and I’m too stubborn to sing it correctly. Josh is scary.
EDIT!
I feel it is my duty to do this. I am now going to ruin Celine Dion’s song from the movie Titanic, “My heart Will Go On.” When she sings “..I believe that the heart does goes on” replace it with “the hot dogs go on”. I swear, you’ll never listen to it the same way again.
I believe Showbiz Pizza for me as a child was much like an opium tent for Ralph Dunning. When I was there time flew by so fast because it was like a system overload. It was just too much for a 7 year old to digest when placed in an environment that had pizza, video games (they were new back then), a pool of plastic balls, skee-ball, and tickets to trade for things like this. There was, however, an animatronic band that I was less than enthused about. The Rock-Afire Explosion.
I can remember a specific birthday party and sitting at the table closest to the stage. While all the kids were busy drinking cups of suicide soda and shoving pizza in their face I was keeping a suspicious eye on the animatronic rock band. Perhaps I was too close to the stage because I heard less music and more of hydraulic hissings and the metallic hurks and jerks. The smell of the electronic heat from the cyborg-like apes and bears over powered the smell of pizza and sweaty kid. After the ten minute show was over and the curtain closed, curiosity over powered me and I crept to the stage to peer behind the curtain to make sure they weren’t taking a five minute smoke break. But what I saw was just eerie.
Behind the curtain the band stood silent with their eyes open, staring straight a head at the closed curtain. The dim lighting and the motionlessness of the characters gave me an uneasy feeling much like sleeping in a room with a three foot doll. In the background the sounds of screaming kids and the bells and whistles of the games were heard but I was fixed on the duality of life and death represented between what happens when the curtain opens and closes. Then it happened.
Before the curtain opens the band starts to move. While I was deep in thought about the eeriness of the lifeless band the hydraulics kicked in with the “pfffftts, screeeeee, weeeng” and they began to move. I can’t recall how it happened but before I knew it I found myself in the ball-pit with my shoes on. This terrified me to no extent and I didn’t even mind getting yelled at for wearing my Keds a “no shoe zone”. For the rest of the day I stayed close to the front, skipping the birthday cake and present opening. At the end I grabbed my parting gift bag and was all too happy to leave.
That night I had a terrible nightmare that Fatz Geronimo, the ape keyboardist, jumped over his keyboard and chased me around Showbiz.
I don’t know if many of you have read my first post about the much beloved Norma Lee so here is a refresher. Many moons ago I was a working stiff that spent at least three hours a day in Atlanta traffic. To pass the time and keep my sanity there was a morning radio show called The Regular Guys on 96 Rock. Every so often they would hit a home run with musical guests but none quite as unique as Norma Lee. From the very first note she sang, she had my heart. It may sound as if I am making fun but really I do have a lot of respect for her ability to be who she is. I present to you again, Norma Lee.
Norma starts off playing us a tune written and produced by Barney. Who Barney is we are left to wonder but regardless, it’s catchy and yes, I did hum along. There isn’t a congruent theme but I was able to take a couple of key points. One, Norma doesn’t have freckles. She claims sandpaper works better than cow manure at removing them but if you want my advice I would opt to stay out of the sun. Two, don’t spit on the worms, because you might get germs. But then there is a contradiction. Right after her song she claims it attracts more fish. I’m confused. So, do you spit on the worms or not?
I really like the multiple themes in the Norma Lee Show. This one starts by providing us a quick guide to healthy dental hygiene. I can’t lie, when she began talking about baking soda I thought she said bacon soda. Is it wrong that I made that assumption? Well, after the lesson on how to brush and floss she sings us the song, “Honey, You Married Me,” thanks to the help of the producer. Is it me, or did that song make you a little sad? I hope that wasn’t about Mr. Lee.
Wait a minute. Didn’t we just get advice on how to maintain healthy teeth and gums from Norma Lee? And now we find out Norma doesn’t even have teeth? I feel like I was just sold shoes from an amputee. Whatever. I ain’t mad at ya’ Norma. The University of Kentucky would be lucky to have you. I dig your offensive skills but you might want to take a look at your face paint. The “K” is backwards.
I think this one may be my favorite. It’s not because of the pantyhose over Norma’s head or the attempt of humor, but we get a quick shot behind the scenes of the Norma Lee Show. At the end Norma takes off the hose and gives a gesture as if to say “Good enough?”. It makes you wonder who is the creative mastermind, Norma or whoever is behind the camera? I hope it is all Norma because this would be very creepy.
If you look closely you can see Harley the dog blink in morse code, “S-P-C-A”. Am I the only one that had to stand up and scream, “give him the dang nab cookie!”? I doubt it. That was a little embarrassing since I was at work, though.
I can’t express how happy the Norma Lee Show makes me. She is a free spirit in every sense of the expression and I hope that one day she can come back to Atlanta to play live. Reading some of the comments on YouTube it’s apparent there are some rude assholes in the world but never you mind them, Norma. Keep singing and know there are fans everywhere you turn. God Bless ya.
Make sure to send her some love on her website. I leave you with this.
This is a shitty intro to this post. Here are some of my favorite songs from an era when I had pajamas with feet and slept with the hall light on.
There is something about true British names that I dig. XTC’s “Making Plans For Nigel” has been one of my all time favorites for years. Between the drums on phase effect and the over simplified guitar riffs it is hard not to hum this for everyone to enjoy. I do it a lot in the office. If I ever have kids I think the first born male will be Nigel. I’d raise him completely oblivious to his English name so when asked if he is from Great Britain he will roll his eyes and say, “no idiot, I’m from Georgia.”
God I love The Buzzcocks. I bought my first Buzzcock album in ’88 when forced to decide between that and Queen; Live At Wembly. It was a good choice because this song “Every body’s Happy Nowadays” was the theme of that summer. When most kids were rocking Beastie Boys and Winger I was forming my roots as a British Punk fan for life. I finally saw The Buzzcocks in’04 and I’ll be honest, Pete Shelly didn’t age as well as others. They still ruled though.
Gang Of Four can be tough for many to take. Personally I think they are brilliant and this song “He’d Send In The Army” was featured on the documentary Decline of Western Civilization: Part 1. I can best describe Gang Of Four as if someone swallowed a hand full of Alphabits, threw them back up and then tried to read what they spelled out. I attribute Radioheads success to what Gang Of Four started.
The Jam is the most underrated band in the United States. They were pretty big in the UK but for some reason they never really impacted the States like they should have. Paul Weller is my favorite front man and if you ever read his lyrics it is pure poetry. Bruce Foxton on base, well, listen and try to argue he isn’t the greatest post punk era bassist ever. His master of the base even makes up for his mullet.
Hang the DJ D! Just kidding pal. I am a Smith’s fan all the way but sometimes there can be too much Morrissey. I listen to “Panic” and it takes me back to 1996, sitting on the steps of the Cotton Club in Atlanta between shows smoking Camels and drawing pen art on my Doc Martins. Oh, I need to pick up smoking again.
The Godfathers really broke it down with the song “Birth School Work Death”. I think if I was ever to be in a band it would be like The Godfathers. They save money to produce amazing albums by only budgeting $100 for the videos. There is no need to be flashy when the band already kicks ass. Axel Rose missed that lesson. (Ok, you are going to have to look this one up on YouTube. Apparently the guy who posted this didn’t want to share. And I think he may be in the band. Get a life, man. I already bought your albums and now I’m kissing your coin purse. Take the compliment. Double negative.)
Midnight Oil are angry Aussie’s aren’t they? Actually it’s mostly the singer, Peter Garrett who, for the longest time as a child, I mistook for Michael Berryman. And please watch the full video to see Garrett’s dance moves. He dances just like my Great Uncle Mel, except Uncle Mel wasn’t dancing. He was having a seizure at a family reunion. It took the full song of the Electric Slide before we knew he wasn’t dancing at all. (That story is slightly exaggerated. I forgot what the song was.)
See? Very similar.
It’s true. I have had and have a huge thing for Kim Deal. I would love to be sung to sleep to “Gigantic” while I have my head petted. Somehow I think Kim would probably just lick her finger, stick it in my ear and spit in my eye. A guy can dream I suppose. The Pixies are never more than a CD case away on road trips. I even have a tattered Pixie t-shirt that has been banned by many a friend. I wear it proudly as I drink beer……alone. Sad Panda.
The Misfits are mostest bestest thing that ever happened to a skinny, bifocal-ed, themed sweater wearing nerd in middle school. To others I may have been little Billy but in my heart I was Glenn. “Astro Zomies” was on repeat in my head and one fateful day a few lines slipped out and was quickly recognized by the metal loving ostracized kid of the sixth grade. Soon we were like peas and carrots and out went the themed sweaters. Being a Misfit’s fan does have it’s advantages, right Kittymao?
Well, that is part one of my decline of civilization. I hope there are a few songs you like and maybe some you have never heard. It is true that many people believe I am a music snob. I don’t believe that. Unless you ask me about Shania Twain. Then I may get angry. You wouldn’t like me if I was angry…
Believe it or not there was a time in my high school career I was certain that I would be in a multi-platinum record selling, hard rock band. There wasn’t a question of if I would make it, but when. My days where filled with Led Zeppelin 3, Metallica’s “Kill’ em All”, Nirvana, The Animals, Pink Floyd, and Cream. To me, I was a visionary and so was my band. We were the only ones who saw the world this way and the only ones who knew that soon arenas around the states would be filled with thousands screaming our name,”Aerial Bullfrog”.
Now that I look back, that name doesn’t scream “Feed Africa” or “Stop AIDs”. Now it sounds like, at best, the opener for the band “Midlife Crisis ” thats only claim to fame is the keyboard player who did a track with The Georgia Satellites in 1993. No, Aerial Bullfrog sucked. Both the name and I’m sure the band if memory serves me correctly. I wish I could go back and give us a better name. Maybe my life as a rock star would have happened if only the name was cooler. Here’s some of the names I would toss around.
Pumpernipple
DickDrip and the Hand Cramps
Giant Ape Juice (Had to take that Matt.)
Midnight Running Scared Past A Pentecostal Sanctuary Under Cloudy Knight Sky (MRS PAP SUCKS) *she did
Drink More Ovaltine
Chewmama!
Puker
The Poo’s
Taco Taco
Go Meat!
Tipping Scooters
Apple Sounds (start every song by biting into an apple. Risk getting beer bottles thrown at you)
Veggie Macabre (Can’t help that one)
I have more. Need to think a little harder though. What are some of yours? I know you have them!
Casserole of Disaster 
