In trying to keep with the “Halloween Countdown” that has been going on since August, I suppose that I shall keep on target. The last time I tried to post this a couple Halloweens ago I could not narrow the list any shorter than thirteen-thousand so with careful deliberation I have crowned a lucky five to be THE MOST ANNOYING HORROR MOVIE CHARACTERS. Why five? Why not?
Ellie Creed. Ho boy, it was a tough one figuring out which character to choose from in the Stephen King movie Pet Semetary. The amount of over acting and down right bizarre overreactions throughout the film makes me squirm. Besides Jud, Zelda and the old stomachache complainer, there are no real people of substance. But of all the annoyances the surviving kid, Ellie Creed, takes the cake. If you have seen this movie you know what I am talking about. Don’t tell me you didn’t want her hit by the truck. This kid cried and whined for almost two hours and what do we get? Nothing. Not a shovel to the face nor a zombie bite to the ear. I guess we can take comfort that she had to live with the two dick-hole grandparents.
Judy Rose. Man, it was a tough choice between these two cousins in the 1990 remake, Night of the Living Dead. Both are hillbilly buffoons but her incessant screaming, horrible driving and the inability to understand that a zombie apocalypse is happening when she goes shit-house-mad after Mr. Greggor takes a 30/30 round to the back of the head, makes her the obvious winner. I also hate two first names. The satisfying part though, is watching her and her cousin/boyfriend explode when they decide shooting off the lock to a gas pump was a good idea.
Pvt. Salazar of George Romero’s Day of the Dead. It is possible to understand being in a bit of bullocks when the world is being overrun by blue faced zombies and you are attached to the worst national guard unit in the world but Pvt. Salazar is about as useless as giving Michael J Fox a shake weight. He is just a certifiable pussy is every sense of the imagination. He reminds me of the really skinny prick at a restaurant that has an above average wife and he keeps talking about how he hasn’t had a successful bowel movement in almost two weeks. Then he blows his nose at the table and leaves exactly a twelve percent tip. I’m glad he died.
Dana Freeling. I know. I know. The real life character is dead and many believe it was the curse from the movie but this post is not about the actors, it is about the characters. Dana Freeling, in one of my favorite movies, Poltergeist, was a self absorbed teenager that was either eating or snot-slobbering in terror. Oh, and she points out that there was a tornado in the back yard right after the rest of the family was just INSIDE OF IT! A captain of the obvious too. This picture above is a great compilation of her character. The world is coming apart, her family is being tormented by ghosts, they are about to be sucked into another universe and she shows up after, what looked to be, a very vigorous make-out session based on her neck and what is she doing? Screaming “WHAT IS HAPPENING” like a jack hole because she has only experienced maybe five percent of the horror in comparison to the rest of her family. What do you think is happening, Ass? A cookout? They should have listened to Robbie and driven away.
Constable Parkins. The sheriff that is suspicious of everyone in Salem’s Lot and only because they are not a weirdo Maine-inite. I don’t know why but he just gets under my skin and at the end of the movie, he runs away to leave the people at the mercy of “the monsta”. I believe he is also the inspiration for Chief Wiggum. But that may just be me. Actually, that is the entire reason I included him in this post.
So there you have it. I know there are hundreds more but I am in the middle of packing for a spooky trip that I can not wait to show you! So, I left you with five. Five. Five idiots. Five idiot foot long. God shoot me.
I have amazing memories as a kid, strolling the aisles of Kmart looking for the perfect costume or Halloween decor. It was the king of the super store back then and if you wanted to dress as Chewbacca or E.T. there was no better one-stop-shop than the well recognized large red K. But like any strong racehorse, eventually there is a faster more sleek horse that will do it better, more elaborate and in this case, far more Halloweenie and make the racehorse look like the smelly pony that gives all the kids at the party a rash. This is how I compare Kmart to Party City. But in all fairness, you can’t by a toaster at Party City. Let’s take a look at the faster horse first. This is Part City. GET DOWN!!!
Here we are and don’t they all look the same. I don’t know about you but I am never too excited about Party City. You can find them in most all large strip malls that include a Ross, Target and Babies-R-Us so if you are like me and may get stuck on a shopping excursion, this is the time of the year that Party City can save ass. In April…shoot me.
Great Nell Carter’s Ghost! This is how you do Halloween! The smell of rubber and latex permeates the air as the musical score of the moment is a cheesy 1990’s Nightmare On Elm Street rap. It wasn’t blaring loud like a Hot Topic but I could definitely tell it was about Nightmare On Elm Street by the Fresh Prince style lyrics, “…burned up like a weenie and his name was Fred.” This is something to be blogged about!
With so many different Halloween items all thrust together in a couple aisles, it’s easy to have it turn into a casserole of nonsense but it blends really nice. You have the gore with the gore, the zombies with the zombies and the cutesy with the cutesy without having to search through mounds of severed heads and viscera just to find a bunny in a pumpkin.
Zombies are still a huge hit I guess. The store is about 3/4 zombie while the rest is fog machines and plastic axes. It amazes me how desensitized zombies have made young kids. I saw a mother holding her, I guess, three-year-old and asking her if she wanted the zombie window cover or the ghosts. The zombie window cover was this:
Cute! Her arm is almost chewed off
Well, I guess that is the way kids are these days with there Iboxes and there Xphones. Had I seen that on someones window as a kid I would have skipped the house and gone right to therapy. Long over are the days when Tim Curry blended in with his green screen asking if anyone has seen his tambourine.
"Mr. Lucas, this is an ARF Troooper. It's also dog talk."
For the kids and adults who would rather just pick out an already manufactured costume, Party City is renown for having about three hundred different themes and characters. This one caught my attention because as a kid who grew up in the eighties and absolutely hate the direction George Lucas took Star Wars, I couldn’t help notice this kid’s costume of an Imperial..ARF Trooper? What the hell is that? Are they the K-9 unit of the universe? God, I just don’t know the world anymore. Luckily they still sell these:
Ah the oldie and goodie. It’s nice to see the old masks are still a seller here and above all else, the villains like Jason, Pinhead, the weird Motel Hell pig mask and Mike Myers are among the most popular. I especially love Chucky with his mullet. To cost justify one of these, though, a kid at age twelve will have to be Freddy until he is twenty-seven.
Well, leaving Party City you have to dodge a swipe by the new Freddy. To be honest, he’s no Englund but I kind of like him. The movie made me a believer that a new generation of kids need to die in their sleep. Especially the ones who are responsible for Twilite and hipster apparel.
Now that we have seen a brief part of Party City’s Halloween presentation, lets take a look at the girl who still wears her high school letter jacket to the bar…Kmart.
Right away I knew Kmart was not the place to be by the mostly vacant parking lot on a Saturday afternoon. It is almost sad in a way because on my way in there were three employees smoking around the coin-operated rodeo duck and the sound of a rolling soda can blowing through empty lanes of the lot. This was the sign of a department store put out in the pasture.
As I went in there were no signs stating it’s the Halloween season like Target. No, I had to wander for a while before eventually finding it. I actually have a video of me doing so. Enjoy.
As you can see, there is less fanfare about the holiday Kmart used to own. Perhaps it’s just this particular Kmart but I really have a sense that this company is circling the drain and forty years from now I will be telling my grandkids that there was time when I used to ride my bike to the Kmart to buy slap-bracelets for five bees. Because that was the style at the time.
As you can see, the licensed Halloween ‘Totally Ghoul” is still putting out everything and anything for this asthmatic contender of a department store. I really like Totally Ghoul too because it is not cheap in design and it is cheap in price. Without breaking myself I can buy enough pumpkin lights to trick a 747 into landing on I-40.
This is proof that “Totally Ghoul” has nothing new in it’s product line for 2011. I remember Matt writing about these years ago and while I find this comforting to see a demon clown from years past, it is also a sign of the times. I don’t know why but I really love that guys tongue and his ability to floss with rope.
But this trip was not all for not! Oh no, it has inspired a new costume idea. Remember that disfigured white tiger in a zoo? Yeah, I thought it was pretty funny too. Imagine if he had a best friend who was a gorilla?
It’s not a little known fact that in the 1970’s the horror movie genre really focused on the Devil and all things Catholic, with a battle for the soul. Capstone by the academy award winning movie, The Exorcist, many films decided to ride the coattails of the success and a few New York Times best selling occult books became films. One of these films really slipped the spotlight but a revisit to it shows that just because you aren’t mainstream doesn’t mean you aren’t a winner. Even if if you are a taboo Satan-filled-lesbo-cake-eating-cat-from-Hell-Christopher Walken-minor-role-need-to-go-to-church-after-watching movie. Let us look at The Sentinel.
Now, I am not going to talk about every scene of the movie because you can just type “Netflix” in the browser and watch the movie if you are a member because it is on streaming. But what I will do is give you a brief synopsis, a highlight on some of the greatest actors in this loaded cast, some real “WTF” moments and above all, a look at the climax in a “you can’t do that on TV” scene. Seriously, you really can’t.
We begin with a quick shot at the Vatican as we meet what is, I guess, a select group of priests and we learn that there is a disturbance in the Force. The Force being all things Catholic and good. It’s not a strange beginning to this kind of film because most religious horror movies begin in another country just to show that what might happen in a familiar setting really has a global impact. Or at least traced from a really old place. Jumping to NY!
Think Fast Frisbee!
Here we are in New York as we meet the main characters of the film, Alison (Christina Raines) and Micheal (my favorite 1980’s horror icon, Chris Sarandon). Alison is a famous model as we can see because she is strikingly beautiful and her boyfriend, Micheal is a shrewd lawyer. Of course. They seem to have a happy relationship but only after a series of rocky starts since Micheal was married when they began their fling resulting is a separation from his wife. Via her death. Coincidence? Also, I should mention, Alison came from a not-so-normal childhood and attempted suicide a few times leaving her dependent on anti-depressants. Just throwing that out there.
So, we find out that Alison wants a place of her own for a while since she has been living with Micheal after his wife’s death. Seems like a plan. And that is where we find out that there are forces at work, drawing her to an apartment with a destiny of preconceived notions. (I don’t think that statement means anything.) She is drawn to a place that has both good and evil in it and there is about to be a battle for her. Better? But, that is temporarily postponed when she finds out her father is dying and she goes home to say goodbye and have a flashback or two.
Love that medicine has improved from the 70's!
We see that her father dies and we get a great glimpse of the father he used to be as she flashes back to her teenage years and brother, he was a fucked up unit. She walks in on him naked and in bed with two women and they are eating cake. And laughing. One is fat and the other is rather off her rocker and neither one minds old guy smell and old balls apparently.
Trust me, these boobs aren't worth seeing.
After her father sees her, in a frosting induced furry, he smacks her and really puts all 92lbs behind it. She takes off down the hall and after witnessing that mess, she cuts her wrists and then we flash-forward. Apparently she survived.
Well, after her father is dead and gone she comes back to occupy her residence and is met by none other than Charles Chazen (Burgess Meredith) playing a more devious but quite cavalier gentleman than Rocky’s coach. He invites himself in and introduces his bird, Mortimer, and his cat, Jezebel. This scene reminds me of when Yoda meets Luke for the first time inTheEmpire Strikes Back. He’s a quirky guy but you know there is more to him than what he is representing.
Well, after excusing himself he exits, leaving behind a framed photograph of himself. (I find this classy and plan on doing that myself.) But if you think he is a strange neighbor then you gotta meet the two chicks that live below her. Gerde (Sylvia Miles) and Sandra (Beverly D’ Angelo) are two…odd lesbian ballerinas? I think? Anyway, after a brief introduction, Alison learns that Sandra is a mute and unable to talk. Gerde leaves the room to get tea and then this happens…
Claaark! Slow down!!!
This awkward masturbation scene was both funny and a tad out there. Trying to regain composure, Alison makes an attempt to be conversational but when she asks what they do, Gerde says matter of factly, they fondle eachother. HEYOOO! Alison bolts.
Didn’t I say that I wasn’t going to do a play by play of this movie? Damn. Okay, I will be a little more brief.
Soon the apartment begins to take a toll on her as her fainting spells and headaches become increasingly worse. At night she has reoccurring nightmares and is awaken to her chandelier swinging by upstairs disturbances though it has been vacant for years. All spooky. Though her neighbors seem friendly, especially inviting her to a birthday party for Jezabel the cat, her dreams warn her that something isn’t quite right. “Black and white cake; Black and white cat.” I actually didn’t get that reference. Nevermind. Skip to a scary night.
Alison is again having a tough time sleeping in her new apartment and finally, she gets up and armed with a kitchen knife and a torch she ventures off to see what is going on. And she finds out!
While she is investigating, wouldn’t you know it, her light burns out. That always happens! Especially when a zombie in a diaper robotic-ly walks past you and stops, facing the wall. This is horror to me! It’s a real “what the fuck just happened” scene. There is no jump scare or some creature attacking Alison. It’s as if she isn’t there and this thing has no real destination. It just mechanically walks from one side of the room to the next! UGH!
Well, curiosity gets the best of Alison and she approaches the remote control Gobot-that-hit-a-wall slowly asking who or what this thing is. You know who?
BAH! It’s her dead father! Alison laughs and gives him a huge hug. It’s very touching.
I’m just kidding. She screams and goes stabby on him, cutting off his nose and all. Bolting, she runs out of the apartment and collapses as people gather around her and call 911.
Jump scene! We are at the hospital.
Oh yeah, remember her boyfriend, Micheal? He is there and being interrogated by police since his new girlfriend is stating she stabbed her dead father and he is still under suspicion for wife’s death. But being the cunning lawyer he is, he gives no details to the investigators even though they coincidentally have a body that fit the description to the havoc Alison said she caused with a knife. This has two great things in that scene; a very young Christopher Walken and the lead investigator’s tie is as wide as it is long.
Micheal starts a little investigation of his own because he believes that there is something more sinister at work after he and Alison visit her apartment to retrace the moments when she stabbed her dead father. But nothing really makes sense to Micheal and after she writes in Latin from a book he reads to be in English, he is convinced the old recluse priest that is on the top floor of the Apartment may know something.
Oh yeah, there is a blind priest that is on the top floor that stares out the window all day. Well, he is seen at the window. That’s an important part. (God, I’m not very good at these)
With no luck getting into the apartment to talk with the recluse priest and even less luck from the Archdioceses, he decides to take matters into his own hands and calls up an old buddy to break in and steal the file on this priest.
THE BLESSING!
Well, in a hurried fashion and better conclusive skills than Velma from Scooby Do, Micheal figured out that all the people who live there have tried to commit suicide at one time in their life and each converted to the Catholic church and reside as a sentinel. And Alison is targeted to be next! No shit!
Armed with a gun, Micheal leaves Alison at a party, though she feels awful, and heads off to stop this rite of…sentinel-passing. When he arrives he sees a split in the wood on the wall and decides to bust it open. Not really sure why. But underneath is a sign straight out of Dante’s Divine Comedy. And sneaking up on him is…
Thank God we haven't invented smell-a-screen yet
…Father Freaky! Yes, the priest tells Micheal this is the gateway to Hell and as random as he came in, he leaves which pisses Micheal off. In a murderous rage, Micheal chokes the priest after he fails to answer his questions. But, little did Micheal count on there being two priests in the room. The other armed with a cement statue. Never expect murder from a priest. Hmmm.
Enter Alison. Of course she returns. She comes back to the apartment only to find Micheal…acting a bit strange. Almost instantaneously Alison knows Micheal isn’t himself. No, he begins to explain how he is damned to Hell because he killed his wife and that she is required to commit suicide and release the gates of Hell. It’s a stretch but that’s what is required.
No, there aren't strings attached to his makeup! What are you talking about?
Now this is the part that separates this movie from all other horror movies. You will never see this again in cinema for a few different reasons. 1: Special effects are much more realistic 2: Plastic surgery is quite advanced since the 1970’s and 3: this would never ever never ever fly with the FCC or any other super PC group. This is as fucked up as cinema gets.
So, Alison runs from decaying Micheal and meets the debonair Charels Chazen who is far less warm and goofy and a tad more…the Devil. He explains that she needs to finish her suicide and become apart of them. Not hearing the noise, Alison turns to run but is met by this…
and this…
and this…
Yes folks, they used real deformed people in the casting for The Sentinel. It is pretty crazy to think that there was an add for extras needing physical deformities to play the role of demons from Hell. This creeps me out to now end. It’s the kind of creep out that makes me want to shower or watch Nickelodeon to counterbalance my “ick” factor.
Well, long story short she is saved by the priests and she takes up the cross as the dominions from Hell shirk back to the abyss from which they came.
This movie is an old favorite of mine. I’m not really sure why? The plot is scattered, the setting seems to be hollow and the lead actress never really makes you care for her outcome. But there is this 1970’s high production feel that I love in horror movies from that time. That fast-paced city life that every-so-often rubs elbows with midevil beliefs and tears at the fabric to what is more important; sanity or soul. Like Matt said. I give it a B+ out of 17.
Hey, remember a few weeks ago when I found out there was a couple that built the exact replica of the original Myers House from the 1978 horror classic, Halloween and I took off on a quest to see it? Yeah, I wasn’t too successful at that, was I? Well, through the power of patience, email and taking the thirty seconds to read the website, I was able to score a one on one chat with the very people who constructed and live in the house that resided the Boogieman. The Shape. Micheal Myers.
I meant for this first meet to really be a Q and A but seeing as I am coming back in a few weeks to actually shoot a video while they film a movie there, I thought it to be a tad redundant. Also, about 2.5 minutes before I pulled up a huge tree fell over blocking the driveway so I really didn’t want to hang around too long as yard work sure to commence. But that didn’t diminish the warm hospitality Kenny and Emily showed me as I ogled at the movie brought to life in front of my very eyes.
Obviously I asked about a thousand questions that everyone else has but there were a few facts that were not so much surprising as they were genuinely endearing. You see, it’s not like they built this for the reason to gain notoriety or fame. That couldn’t be further from it. If that was the case why would they build it in no-where North Carolina? No, just a fan who followed a dream and is kind enough to share it with people like myself. And by doing just that, fame and notoriety did follow. This house has been shown on many television networks, featured in numerous magazine articles and Kenny was recently interviewed for the Biography Channel’s documentary, Halloween: Inside Story. Kenny and Emily also host many film productions that are set right there at their home as well as an annual Halloween bash that brings hundreds of people from all over the United States.
Inside the home it only gets better. I am not exaggerating when I say that it is a museum. Kenny has an extensive collection of all things Halloween including rare collectables to personalized movie props that were given to him by the horror music master Rob Zombie. It is impossible to take it all in but his tour was very impressive. I did want to ask him if he ever got tired of the Halloween decor but he beat me to it and said a lot of the decorations only come out around October because he found himself losing a bit of the thrill after a while. I think living in the Myers home and losing the thrill and fun of this season would be a tragedy but he still has it.
As far as the inside decor, the home layout is very similar to the specifications of the original but as Kenny put it, Emily wouldn’t stand for the 1960’s look as we see through the eyes of a six year old killer in a clown mask. Their home is very beautiful and it blends a modern look with some amazing oil paintings of scenes from, you guessed it, Halloween.
All in all this is less of a interview post and more of proof that I have been to the famous NC Myers House like I said I would. I had a wonderful chat with Emily and Kenny and so grateful they shared their home and passion for the quintessential independent horror film, Halloween. I love meeting people who have any passions in life but when they include horror movies, they are automatically best friends. So, to really give Kenny and the Myers House the just deserves, I will wait to film a real interview in a few weeks and make it all…professional looking. It deserves it and you will all be in for a real treat.
In the Fall of 1987 I was an absolute little shit. A unconsoling, blubbering, ashole-ish child that pleaded night and day to his hard-working father who was merely trying to keep the family fed and sheltered for an inevitable “beneath the bed” toy. From the beginning of September to the second week of October, Dad held out until the four millionth “gimme gimme gimme, I need I need” was too much and he caved. He caved over a twenty-dollar Freddy Kruger glove. An item that was worth not even two dollars but that was no matter. In my mind this glove needed to be worn by me during all hours of the day and not just Halloween night.
You see, I never planned an entire Fred Krueger costume for that Halloween. All I wanted was the glove. And where can one find that particular costume accessory? Why Eddie’s Trick And Costume Shop in Marietta Georgia of course, the mecca of Halloween. Recently I came back to see if this home of the macabre was still operating as I remembered it, some twenty-four years ago.
The center to the city of Marietta is an unclosed square made up of 5 parts antique shops, 2 parts restaurants, and a dash of nostalgic glory that is Eddie’s Trick Shop. Today, of course, it has lost a bit of its luster due to the fact that half the store is dedicated to ballerina and dance apparel but the magic of the trick shop is still a focal point.
I know, I know…the picture is blurry. And it kills me that the most important shot of the post is screwed up but it’s all I got. So let’s pretend and just take my word for it, there is amazing stuff all over. Okay? We cool?
There are a few glass cases around Eddie’s that hold all sorts of wonder from severed limbs to novelty dollars with Obama’s face on them to fake dog shit to fake puke. Hell, they even had…
Yup, liquid ASS. “The worst smell since the famous stink bomb” and only $5.95! The part, however, that was the real seller was the promise that there are thousands of uses. Thousands, eh? Why do I really want to see the Shamwow/Slap Chop guy pitch this?
Of course we had to take a look at the 2011 Halloween mask aisle that hasn’t really ever changed since the 1970’s and I love that oh so much. Sure, the masks look a bit more realistic but it is comforting to know that kids can still gaze at the display just as they did in ’78. Perhaps less risk of lead paint inhalation and sudden combustion. There were a lot more people who smoked back then, you know?
The glove/hands of a costume seem to be a bit more eccentric than I remember. They are 8 times the size of the mask so me being the bum I am, I have to ask, how does one hold a beer? This trivial dilemma is lost on a 12-year-old I know but seriously, that is something to take into account. Moving on.
Another big innovation to the Halloween craft of dress-up is the anatomical or medically accurate, I should say, scars and wounds that today’s kids can inflict on themselves. “Slashed Trachea” is one of those kits I can’t recall. Let’s see…I had fake blood, vampire teeth, witch warts and maybe pale zombie completion but a slashed trachea? I wonder if they have ocular contusion kit? I guess that would be just a black eye. I’ll stick with the masks.
Some people find beauty in a sunset. Some in the innocent wonder of a child’s eyes. Some people find it in a bond between people who are in love. Me? I find it in a plastic skeleton rock band. And that is why I want to be your president for the United States of America. If this was in my house it would be in the kitchen.
I will leave you with the ol’ cliché’ rabbit in the hat trick. Sure Eddie’s Trick Shop lost a few steps over the years and I really don’t know if that is the shop or me? Perhaps Eddie has not changed but seeing this as a man rather than a boy makes it a tad less wondrous. I would imagine that to be true but I also think Halloween was a bigger deal back in the eighties. It’s hard to tell the difference between our adult mind and the memories as a child. I think that is why I always come back to these places. I never want those to fade.
Wait a minute….I wonder. They couldn’t possibly still carry it could they?
Judy Rose. Man, it was a tough choice between these two cousins in the 1990 remake, Night of the Living Dead. Both are hillbilly buffoons but her incessant screaming, horrible driving and the inability to understand that a zombie apocalypse is happening when she goes shit-house-mad after Mr. Greggor takes a 30/30 round to the back of the head, makes her the obvious winner. I also hate two first names. The satisfying part though, is watching her and her cousin/boyfriend explode when they decide shooting off the lock to a gas pump was a good idea.
Dana Freeling. I know. I know. The real life character is dead and many believe it was the curse from the movie but this post is not about the actors, it is about the characters. Dana Freeling, in one of my favorite movies, Poltergeist, was a self absorbed teenager that was either eating or snot-slobbering in terror. Oh, and she points out that there was a tornado in the back yard right after the rest of the family was just INSIDE OF IT! A captain of the obvious too. This picture above is a great compilation of her character. The world is coming apart, her family is being tormented by ghosts, they are about to be sucked into another universe and she shows up after, what looked to be, a very vigorous make-out session based on her neck and what is she doing? Screaming “WHAT IS HAPPENING” like a jack hole because she has only experienced maybe five percent of the horror in comparison to the rest of her family. What do you think is happening, Ass? A cookout? They should have listened to Robbie and driven away.
Casserole of Disaster 
