The Headless Horseman In My Office

I have a weakness for CVS Halloween decor. During late August I pop into a CVS at least every other day to quickly traverse the aisles in hopes that some proactive manager gets an early jump on Halloween. I don’t know why I bother because they never start until the first week of September and all I really look like is a meth maker checking out the supply of cold medicine. I don’t like getting the suspicious eye from a twenty year old CVS clerk with a crossed out name tattooed on his neck.

What I was really looking for was a replacement to the Grim Reaper I bought last year who, unfortunately, did not survive and broke in half. I did not find him BUT I found something so much better. In fact, I will be hard pressed to find anything better this Halloween season.

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Introducing The Headless Horseman himself from the famous folklore tale of Washington Irving, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. It is not only a great Halloween display but it just so happens to be my favorite horror icon of all time. Ever since I was a young kid, that story captivated my imagination and chilled me to the bone. Even the Disney version! From the creepy autumn setting of a superstitious northern New York town to the belief that at night no one would venture in the woods because that is where ghosts and specters lurked. I love it all even though that sort of thinking back then led to witch hunts and burning at the stake. Oh well.

This guy is pretty big with a height just under six feet. Not bad for a price tag around $60! You will see in the video he doesn’t move around but his pumpkin lights up and he says a few witty phrases that are either activated by pressing his hand or motion sensing. It’s a pretty neat addition but I really wish he had a Robert Goulet voice. RIP Bobby!

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It was pretty funny when I bought this guy at CVS because he kept going off in the box which was half the size of my car. Of course the clerk took a year to ring me up with all sorts of questions like, “Are you a CVS card member? Would you like to be? and “Is this for Halloween?”. It’s hard for me to tone the sarcasm when people throw me softballs. I was nice and said no.

Well, I won’t ramble on too much about this Halloween decoration that makes me want to sing a verse from “Putting On The Ritz” in a Peter Boyle style Frankenstein voice. I will just let you watch me ramble on about it and you can hear him for yourself. I must apologize for my appearance, I’ve been operating on a couple of hours sleep a night thanks to this place that gives me paychecks. I like paychecks.

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Also! This is just one of a couple Sleepy Hollow type posts that are coming your way. I have a special treat with an artist who isn’t far from me who art-ed this commission just for me! It’s a special so be excited! (Art-ed does not sound as smart when said aloud)

 

Spooky NC With Bayou Babylon

Hello my friends. Today is a special day here at the Spook Show because I can share with you my amazing trip to visit my buddy Travis who you might know as Bayou Babylon down in the Gulf of Mexico, Mobile Alabama. Both he and his wife, Crystal, are some of those most amazing people I have ever met and together we had a blast. From the history to the food to the 300 beers, I will say Travis is a lifelong buddy who is stuck having an semiannual guest crash his pad.

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This trip, Travis took me to a creepy and the notoriously haunted Church Street Graveyard where certain legends rest. Or sort of rest. This is also the burial spot of Joe Cain who is of super hero status to the people of Mobile, Alabama. After the Civil War ended, the Union soldiers banned many Southern cultures and celebrations. In defiance, Joe Cain dressed in Native American garb, wore beads and drunkenly drove his horse and buggy around Mobile starting up the celebration of Mardi Gras. To this day, the start of Mardi Gras begins from the grave of Joe Cain where his unknown “widows” gather to weep over his site and then dance out of the cemetery starting the celebration. Pretty awesome!

Later we visit the Boyington Oak which took forever to locate. Thanks to smart phones, we found the spot where Charles Boyington is buried. In 1835 he was quickly accused of murdering his friend Nathaniel Frost and was hung. Right before he was executed he stated that a mighty oak would spring from his heart to prove his innocence. Well, he is buried on that spot where a pretty large oak now resides. Locals claim to hear cries from the tree and the cemetery nightly so…that’s crazy!

To wrap up the night we attended a beer crawl which probably shaved off a few years of our lives. So much beer. So much beer. You’ll see.

I hope you enjoy this Spooky NC: Mobile, Alabama! The next one will be mostly myself chatting about the experiences on an abandoned railroad track. The footage isn’t the best but it was absolutely terrifying. I’ll just have to show you.

EDIT

Just to clarify a bit, Joe Cain is credited with bringing Mardi Gras back to Mobile post-Civil War. Mardi Gras has been celebrated here, in one form or another, since 1703, but was cancelled during the Civil War and banned by the occupying Yankee troops. – Travis aka Bayou Babylon

Fall Is For Cookies And Coffee And That’s Good Enough For Me

I don’t know where you live but here, Fall has arrived in a fantastic fashion. In what feels like an overnight assault, the trees are bright red and orange, the air is cool and dry and little pumpkin patches are springing up all over, each vying for the most sincere. Over the weekend I wasted no time drinking enough cider to safely say I ingested a bushel and watched Halloween 4 at least four times. Needless to say, we are in the season when you freeze in the morning and have a heat stroke by noon. I love it.

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Besides the great weather and horror movies airing on primetime, lets not leave out festive cookies. I am not one to eat a lot of sugar so rarely do I indulge in cookies but this time of the year, how could I not? The entire Nestle Toll House package is a thick sheet of glorious dough, filled with orange and brown chocolate chips. I can’t help but bite at the package leaving teeth marks up and down the dough. It’s a weight x girth/cube size equation for me. If all numbers align, I bite.

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Perfect little squares are a weakness of mine. It makes me want to peel these apart and build the talking prism from the show Out Of This World. There is nothing that you cannot do with building blocks of cookie dough if you can get past the salmonella. That’s the only show stopper for me. I know millions eat raw cookie every hour but the chances are still not in my favor when Lady Luck has anything to do with me, numbered odds and a toilet. I will bake these cookies and scrub my hands as if I am engaging in exploratory surgery.

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While those magnificent cubes are baking let me wax poetry to you about Fall coffee that is NOT pumpkin flavor. Don’t get me wrong, I love pumpkin flavoring this time of the year but it’s nice to see a contender who brings it with straight beans. The monopoly of Starbucks has come out with a “cozy” blend for the nice price of $12 a bag. And by nice I mean stupid. But it’s not the price or the obvious repackaging of Springtime blends in a Fall bag but when you say the word “cozy” on a coffee bag, it is coming home with me.

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Back to the cookies! Well, after a few minutes at 350•, we have Halloween cookies which are no where near as impressive as the cookie on the package. But after all these years writing on the same topic, you would think I would know this by now. Or at least not frown when I stare at two limp-dick cookies. I mean, look at my dog’s face! You wouldn’t know it but he has a pretty refined palate, aside from chewing his butt.

And the coffee?

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They were right. Completely cozy and perfect for early Autumn mornings by the fire. Especially when you grill bacon and sausages in beer. Life could be worse, my friends. Life could be worse.

Also, I built a bar. Sorry about the eyesore trashcan in the frame.

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I know this post was weak but I have a few including a video tonight staring guests you very well may know! I am showing my love for some of the most fantastic TV horror as well as ramping up the Halloween Spook Show with prizes and discussions! Be afraid, it all starts tonight!

The Haunted Barn 1988

I grew up in Marietta, Georgia just north of the city of Atlanta. Back in the 1980’s and 90’s it was one of the biggest suburbs which was about as close to a Tim Burton version of middle class America as you could get. Every house was similar, the grass was cut on Saturday mornings while the kids watched cartoons until eleven o’clock or when high school academic game shows came on. That was a sign to get outside to ride bikes. The ball games were always on an outside radio and errands running families crowded Sears or whatever was on their lists. It was an awesome place and time to be a kid.

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One of the Saturday staples was the Chattahoochee Nature Center located right on the bank of the Chattahoochee river. It was a place of many great childhood memories for me ranging from a five-year old to a young soldier at home on leave. The Chattahoochee Center was the place I spun around so fast on a tire swing, I puked in the parking lot and Mom made me take off my pants in front of my preschool class and lay down in the backseat of the car on the way home. Which, of course, resulted in more puking. A place where my best friend Simon teased a goose causing it to chase him around the park, instantly transforming him from a manly seventeen year old boy into a screaming twelve-year-old girl. A place where my other buddy Johnny got so high he went to pee in the river, lost his footing causing him to uncontrollably slide down the embankment into hip deep into the water resulting into the infamous cry of desperation, “OH NO!”. (I still laugh at that today) And it was also the place where I took a long walk with my Dad the night before I headed back to base to be deployed to a combat zone. The discussion we had that night I would not like to have again.

I think my fondest memory of the Chattahoochee Nature Center would be on the month of October, 1988. That was a pretty magical Halloween season for a number of reasons. One, I was finally dressed as something for Halloween my parents invested more that twenty dollars on. I was a knight with full body armor, shield and a sword and aside from the LA Gear sneakers, I was pretty convincing. Also, that year I was able to trick r treat alone without the parental supervision. Looking back, I guess it wasn’t that big of a deal because the neighborhood was barely a mile long.

Just about every weekday night during the month of October, the family did something Halloween-ish. Whether it was carve the jack-o-lantern or decorate the yard, as long as the homework was done, we celebrated. This is probably why I am thirty six with a Halloween Spook Show. Just a theory.

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One fateful night, Dad read in the paper the Chattahoochee Nature Center had a haunted attraction featuring the “Haunted Barn” which was run by the local Walton High School. In those days, I regarded high schoolers as grownups so right away I knew this attraction was going to be something of the serious note. My Dad, however, thought much the opposite. In fact, he thought that this was more of a fun and family attraction which possibly had nature conservatory lessons mixed in with a ‘Trick or Treat” motif. That was far from what we would be experiencing.

The Nature Center was a Saturday morning place where every morning Dad and I would drop off bottles and newspapers to the recycle center and feed ducks. That Thursday night the mood was much different. I can still remember pulling into the gravel parking lot with lit jack-0-lanterns spacing the lot. There was hardly anyone there and for good reason because it closed at 9:00 sharp and at 8:30 on a school night most kids had been through the attractions and on their way…to therapy. I had homework and Dad’s work ethic would never allow for fun before responsibility. Makes you wonder what happened to me?

We paid a “donation”, I think. There was no fee that my Dad can remember (we talk of this often every fall season). Just followed the path on the candle lit road which led to the barn. That barn, which was always a place of discovery and cuteness throughout my elementary days with field trips and summer camps, was transformed into “THE HOUSE OF SATAN”.

I shit you not, in Marietta Georgia, The Chattahoochee Nature Center named their barn, “THE HOUSE OF SATAN”.

I have yet to meet a peer or a long time friend who remembers this but I have family who can validate. And for whatever reason had no problem taking me into “The House of Satan”.

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I will say, looking back on this event, the high schoolers did it right. They recreated the famous Exorcist scene when the priests read rites which makes a rotting girl screech in horrific tones. The next room had a person rocking in the corner as a defiled and chopped up corpse lay on the floor. After that, a room where a wondering girl kept trying to pull me from my Dad to come with here into the heavens. Holy shit, I remember this with such detail I even remember her shoes. Her shoes!

Dad laughed. That is what I remember but for me, this was horrific. Every room led to more nightmares my brain was not ready to comprehend. That is until we met the stairs. The stairs went up to the loft of the barn and at the top stood a figure.

We didn’t know if we were supposed to proceed up and I remember looking at my Dad. He studied the figure long and hard then looked at me with a shrug. I grabbed his flannel shirt and we head up. But then the figure spun around and bolted down the stairs as if it too was being chased by something horrific.

We miracled ourselves straight through the back door and was chased by a hooded figure almost halfway to the car. I can still to this day remember screaming without care. When you scream without care it is something you never forget. As a child it is something to possibly look back on with a smile but never as an adult. It is animatistic in a way. My Dad stopped, laughing hysterically and so did the hooded kid who removed his said hood and thanked us but said that was where the attraction ended. He didn’t mean to scare us so badly and made an attempt to assuage my fear with a high-five.

I will never forget that night. Forever will Halloween be that barn with jack-o-lanterns lighting the way of a path and the orange illuminated barn filled with monsters and demons who scared me so badly the adrenalin put my feet to sleep. We dumb down so much in today’s society. I feel bad for the kids who will never get to experience something that made me a forever-fan of Halloween. That night forged a connection and even tough it scared me to down to the marrow and I loved it.

Thank God I didn’t have an easter experience. Those people are freaking weirdos.

 

 

Ode To The Fall Fresh Market

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Lordy, I love The Fresh Market! It’s a place where normal people like yours truly can feel a tad sophisticated buying six cucumber sodas and a bag of cinnamon bears. Its warm and cozy with classical music playing overhead, lulling people into paying twenty percent higher for everyday items. Some say it is a snobby market and others brush it off as a specialty food shop, but I say it is a necessary Saturday morning stop to energize the soul and dent my wallet, especially now that we are a foot into the Halloween season.

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This is the place where you plan the best autumn dinner of your life. Every vegetable imaginable is available and if yours is like mine, they come from local farms. That is a huge thing for me. I can’t put my finger on it, whether it is the track lighting or the fact most produce and items are in barrels but you kind of skip around aimlessly in this market. It is a scientific fact most amazing things come in a barrel. And for that, I am sure almost no one sticks to their lists. At least I don’t. I went in one time for three steaks and left with clams.

Hmm, maybe it is a gas leak that is the cause of such aimless shopping?

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The free coffee station is one of the best parts of The Fresh Market. Every season they have a select coffee to try with a full station to garnish your tiny cup. I was excited to see what Fall coffee they were pushing for this year but it never fails that some old bitty would be crowding the coffee sample table, adding cream and sugar with the speed and purpose of an aquarium-ed manatee. I hate her!

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Back to the wacky produce! Tell me, where can you get dwarf squash these days? Think real hard. I don’t know where but at The Fresh Market, this time of the year, you can. It is the main ingredient for my “Little Squash Big People Soup”. If you want the recipe just email me. It is just right for rainy and cold October days paired with the right beer. And yes, I do feel a little bad for that insensitive parody of the midget show. I meant little people show.

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SON OF A BITCH SHIT! I turn around for two seconds and the old guy jumps in and proceeds to go all Cialis on the decaf. Dude is quick in them Foot Joys!

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Here we come to what The Fresh Market does so well and that is the Halloween display. Every year is a bit different but damn if it isn’t always impressive! They always have a crazy candy display throughout the year but they really turn the knob to high in September. I love the fact an entire three-foot wicker basket is filled with one pound bags of gummy ghosts. If that were to fall off the roof and kill someone, their obituary would be clipped and permanently added to my fridge. It’s a place of honor.

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I know this picture is a tad bit blurry but I had been looked at with some suspicion while I roamed around taking pictures of small squashes and old people. This one was taken with great haste.

I love the decor. It is such a throwback to when I was a little kid. Ghosts and pumpkin-headed scarecrows are hung from the rafters with orange and black streamers dangling, carelessly blowing with the central air. It is simple yet perfectly nails why I love this holiday so much. There is no hint of modern pop or Disney shows. Just the same decorations we loved for years and years.

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Holy shit nuts and gum! I can’t catch a break this trip!

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I know this isn’t very Halloweenie but I can’t go to sleep without yelling from the hills about how amazing their organic nut selection is. Every kind of nut, berry, mix and seed is available for you to buy AND sample. I can’t tell you how many bags of trail mix I have, which are most likely stale, in my cupboard. There is no helping help myself and it is not beyond reason that I buy over one hundred dollars in almonds a month. Don’t get me started on cashews.

Also, I am not entirely sure about the sample part. If someone stops me I’ll just do my best impression of the homeless demon eating crickets in Hellraiser.

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We have success! Even though I like to browse the aisles for the best Thai peanut sauce and vegan friendly pasta while drinking  a free shot-cup of seasonal coffee, beggars can not be choosers. It is an added pleasure to an already fun fall grocery shopping experience.

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Of course it is pumpkin spice! How could it not be?

I am telling you folks, go to The Fresh Market if you want to immerse yourself with autumn goodness. The smells, specials, free samples and specialty food items are enough to make you go home and get drunk on spiked cider while hanging skeletons from trees. It is that great of an experience for this time of the year. Sure you will spend five dollars on a box of Triscuits but that’s why you save that for lame-o Kroger. You buy cornish hens and seven-year old sharp cheddar from The Fresh Market, ya silly!

 

 

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