Shakesburger In Love: The Angriest Whopper

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“Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. The Burger King Crown.”-Shakespeare (Henry IV: Bill and Ted’s Midlife Crisis)

Burger King has done it again! I know I am a little late to the party and other sites which aren’t in a zombie state like mine have already covered this week-old pop culture phenom, but it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t throw my hat into the ring of fire. And that fire is the new and limited time only, Burger King’s Angriest Whopper.

During last years Halloween season, Burger King shocked the community of Satanists and Halloween lovers with a black bun-ed, horror burger called the Halloween Burger. It had an A-1 steak sauce infused black bun and made the season 1000x more special because horror can be translated into bat shaped Reese’s cups pretty easily but burgers? That, my friends, is something amazing. Too bad it made people shit green.

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But beware of the ides of March, dear readers, because on the last day of that month, Burger King gave us a new weird Whopper and this time it’s pissed off, so look busy! The Angriest Whopper is brilliant red from the hot sauce infused in the bun. It has fried and pickled jalapenõs accompanied by some weird spicy yet sweet mustard sauce along with bacon because even if it really sucked, bacon is the extra credit to save the moron. Nothing has ever completely failed with bacon on it.

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When I review these weird limited-time-only items from fast food restaurants it is rare that I will eat the whole thing. As a guy in his mid…late thirties who hurt his back sneezing last week, eating a 900 calorie burger is just not in the cards. But, for preservation sake, I will eat half. 450 calories can happen at Starbucks if you don’t pay attention.

I must say, for a fast food burger it is not too bad and *gasp* a little on the spicy side! I know the hot sauce infused bun should add to the spice but I really couldn’t pull that away from the sauce and the jalepenos  because the overall construction was pretty damn complimentary to one another! It really seems less of a fast food burger but more of a dine-in chain restaurant burger and that is like the golden prize to fast food joints. I don’t know what is going on in the Burger King lab but I have a feeling it is involving the revitalized head of Andy Worhol and Walt Disney.

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So, while I crawled out of the grave to review this Angry Whopper, I feel it deserves a pretty good grade. I will give it an B+. The only reason I am giving it a B instead of an A is because it had a typical fast food presentation and it reminds me of the time my lunch was smashed and leaked juice all over other kids back packs on a field trip and the teacher made a huge deal about it. Every time I see a smashed sandwich I think of Mrs. Tanner’s smoker’s pucker and lipstick covered coffee mug. So, sorry Angriest Whopper. It’s not you. It’s me.

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Well folks, parting is such sweet sorrow so it is back to the coffin with me on VeggieMacabre. If you still want to follow my antics and read/watch about silly stuff, checkout the Tumblr site, VeggieMacabreTV until I make a new and better place.

Thanks for reading!

13 Days of Christmas: Target Hot Sauce Challenge!

Holy crap I am late but I am here! Apparently Final Cut wanted to be a real asshat and wouldn’t render this video unless I talked to it in baby-talk. Weird, I know.

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The first episode of the 13 Day Christmas Countdown we discuss novelty gifts. You know, the under $20 gifts that you have to bring to holiday parties for dumb games like “Dirty Santa” or “White Elephant”? The type of gifts that twelve-year olds give their siblings who they can’t stand? The crap that is re-gifted nine times until finally someone gets the motivation to throw it away? Ah yes, the Christmas novelty gifts that makes up for 14% of annual Christmas sales.

But there is one gift I might be able to dance with and that is Target’s Hot Sauce Challenge set that ranges from mild to “Blazing Butthole”. (Just kidding about the butthole) Still, unlike 2013’s disappointment of hot sauces I reviewed, this promises something different. A challenge, so to speak. And I accept.

Lucky for me, I enlisted the help of Laura who is by far one of the most easygoing people you will ever meet. What better person than to help me do a hot sauce challenge because those who get upset easily probably shouldn’t be forced to ingest acid and asked how they feel on camera.

Watch and see how this $13.99 pack of ten hot sauce challenge gift compares to the gourmet versions I have come to love. And stay till the end because we do one bonus hot sauce that DJ D almost died over. I will say, that kinda upset Laura. Ah, she’s a trooper.

ALSO! Be sure to like this review, comment below or hashtag #13daysofchristmas and I’ll toss your name in the hat for one of 13 boxes of neat stuff and send it right to you! FREE AWESOME PRESENTS!

13 Days Of Christmas

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It’s 13 days till Christmas! It’s practically here!

That’s right, you freaks, we are creeping our way down to the day of Christmas when we get loaded on eggnog, open gifts and watch The Christmas Story 12 times in a row and smash the hand of anyone who dares change the channel. (Sorry about last year, Grandma) With the busy life and time of your’s truly and the crash landing of the Halloween Hell Show, I figured committing 13 days is way more doable than an entire month. But don’t fret, we have lots in store and 13 videos too! I can say that with certainty since most are already shot.

OH! I am also doing a few horror gift giveaways to brighten your Christmas season. Each will be different and announced on Twitter so if you don’t follow me, you might want to. Details will follow on the first prize announced tomorrow.

So, get ready for the unholy number of days as we countdown to Christmas day and have the time of our life doing it. Bring it in. I have hugs for you.

Until the official start (late tonight) spread your love of the holiday and checkout Matt’s annual holiday fantasmo over at DinosaurDracula. It’s tradition, mang.

 

 

Life and Careers

There is something to be said for reflective pause and the time out in our busy lives to say, “things could be a whole lot worse”. This is the time of the year that brings out the best in us and we wish peace on earth, good will towards men. It seems pretty incredible given the current state of the world, no?

Personally the Holidays have gone from something I cherish and look forward to, to something I wish would hurry up and be done with. A life choosing career goals over starting a family has its drawbacks when you have to be around family members who tell you things like, “You’re not getting any younger” or “Is there something maybe you want to announce at this year’s family Christmas dinner?”.

I am glad the extended family are fans of the hit show Modern Family and have taken that weird but positive step to be more comfortable with the homosexual community but I have to burst their speculation bubble and state I am not gay and very much attracted to the opposite sex. In some ways I think that being gay would be easier for them to understand.

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These past few years I have given my entire life to a career. I am not just saying that, I mean my waking hours have been devoted to all things work. It has cost me relationships, friends, I have fallen out of shape and drinking stress away seemed like my only escape to deal with the competitive nature of my work. But I also loved it! I loved it because I was good at it and I felt like the company really took care of its people by valuing who the are, believing in what they said and celebrating their successes.

But as the business grows, that personal touch no longer means so much. The celebrations turn into “that’s fine but what about this?” and that after work cocktail now takes three to ease the burden of what comes tomorrow. It’s just the normal part of being in executive sales. You’re a thirty day hero; nothing more and nothing less. I am lucky to have this position and the experiences that it has provided me, however. That much is invaluable.

That said, you cannot let work take away your…you. So, I have decided to venture out as my own boss. Life is so short and we have to take it by the balls or other wise there will be nothing to show for it. I watch guys in their late 50’s compete with me in the field and I don’t want to be that when I am their age. They wear a face that expresses a betrayal in life and no amount of money can buy back time.

So what now? I still have a responsibility to complete certain projects at my job right now so I won’t be leaving just yet. I love my clients/customers and have a true dedication to seeing they are well taken care of. But as I do that I am sharpening my business skills and slowly regaining my sense of humor and creativity. It has taken a beaten over the years so I need a bit of time to just remember. Thank God for this blog to practice on!

So that is it. When I slip these surly bonds of Earth my book will sure be a strange one. But a nice one.

Happy Thanksgiving. I am very much thankful for you.

 

 

 

Halloween Pumpkin Salsa and Death Sauce!

Spoiler Alert! We killed DJ D.

Tonight, as we near Halloween, I want to post a few more videos before the grand finale. This post has the normal ruckus-crew testing Pumpkin Salsa and Blair’s “After Death Sauce” which is hot enough to have you speaking in tongues.

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Dave and Brian test the pumpkin salsa with positive results but the real show comes soon after when Dave and I delve into Hell with the Death sauce. I consider myself a little more experienced with garnishes that can actually kill an 80-year-old but Dave hasn’t built that tolerance quite yet.

Will DJ D survive? Wait…I already spoiled it. Fuck! Oh well,

You can get Blair’s After Death Sauce by clicking on the underlined link!

Watch this little video and if you want to see Dave lose his shit right away, jump to about 3/4 of the video. It’s worth the build up, I promise.

Universal Monster Sodas! And One Other.

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I think I am going to skip the confession that I am a horrible Halloween blogger and just go right into the fourth to the last post of the 2015 Halloween Hell Show. It gets tough running a division in business and coming up with entertaining quips and posts even though it is my favorite time of the year. Ah well, sometimes you just have to live the season first and record it later.

Tonight we are venturing back to early in the season when some of my best pals, Brian from Review the World and Dave (DJ D) from retro Ghouls and Shocks paid me a visit to celebrate Halloween and all the great items this spooky season has to offer. And boy did we do that!

The first of a couple posts (which actually has a storyline) shows the three of us reviewing the trademarked Universal Monster Sodas which came in three monster inspired flavors.

However, while we did a taste test on the three said sodas, only two were actually the trademarked and branded by Universal. Sorry Werewolf, you are just a non-branded soda. Those always made for better movies anyway and your Baltic-like taste as a ginger beer gave you more of a Hammer feel.

So grab a drink and pull up a coffin because you are about to watch grown men drink grape soda!

A Visit To Capt. Tony’s Saloon

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Let’s see, a haunted saloon that has been a mortuary, an execution spot, holy water bottles lodged in the walls to keep the evil spirits out, there are dead bodies underneath, a real human skeleton excavated from the site and hung behind the bar, an actual hanging tree with a grave right next to it AND it’s all located in a tropical paradise? Yup, I’m in!

Welcome to Capt. Tony’s Saloon! This little spot is said to be the most ghostly active place in all of Key West and that is saying a lot considering the history of this key. I mean, there is a cursed doll who is reported to have chased a young girl around her room and distorts its face. Yeah.

We aren’t chatting about ol’ Robert the Doll right now. I have quite a bit to say about him later but for now, lets focus on a saloon that has been the last stop for many poor souls and some are said to still be restless. Of course, if you believe in that sort of thing.

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The site the bar sits was the execution spot for those who didn’t were sentenced to death and that included sixteen men and one woman who stabbed her husband and children and chopped them up. She’s said to still haunt the bar and is known as the “Lady In Blue” because that was the color of her dress she wore on her execution day and also the color she turned when she died. HA!

By the mid 1800’s, the saloon was used as an ice house and since recently deceased people smell bad in the 90 degree tropical heat, it doubled as a morgue. After that it turned into a cigar-rolling/gambling facility, then a telegraph station, then an openly gay burlesque and finally, Anthony Tarracino moved from New Jersey, renamed himself Captain Tony and bought the place that we now know and love as Capt. Tony’s Saloon.

Many famous people have frequented the bar especially Ernest Hemingway, Al Pacino, Robert Redford and of course, Jimmy Buffett whose music sounds like parrots burning to me. But that’s just my opinion.

Watch this video and take a tour with me as this super great guy named Doug shows us around the creepier parts of Tony’s Saloon. Also, if you find yourself there, don’t get the Pirate Punch. It’s pre-made horse piss.

Sorry about the background noise. Life shooting in a bar full of drunks and a crappy musician.

A Revisit To The Sorrel-Weed House

Much like a NASA space launch, the Halloween Hell Show had a few delays but the countdown continued and here we are on launch day! A successful one at that. For the next 25 days I will bringing you Halloween fun like guest appearances from amazing people, reviews on all things macabre, movie chats, travel locations and even trying a live broadcast on Halloween! Not sure why I am doing this on Halloween since everyone will be out but my buddy Travis and I are committing.

I recap all of this in one breath at the beginning of this video. I strive for brevity because watching a twenty-minute video of me should include sharks, lasers, a questionable parachute and puppies. I do have puppies, though. (So much poop)

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Tonight, I am bringing you with me as I revisit a location that actually made me change my opinion of what goes bump in the night. I wrote about this particular experience a couple of years ago and ever since I have had this weird fascination to….haunts? I don’t know. All I do know is I had something happen to me, it was witnessed by people and I was able to take a picture of it. Read the original post here to get caught up.

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I lucked out and got to take a private tour with a few people and talk with a young tour guide who knows all too well the dark history that the Sorrel-Weed house has. In fact, just a week before she was scratched while giving a tour in the basement. It was nice being able to candidly speak with someone who not only was an expert in the history of the property but had first hand accounts of what lurks in the basement.

So, now that you think I am crazy, please watch the first of many Halloween Hell Show videos as we travel around the country celebrating the macabre of this 2015 Halloween season. Also, a big thanks to Thomas Boatwright and his incredible artwork. He created and animated the intro video for the VeggieMacabre’s Halloween Hell Show. I also got to hangout with him and he’s a pretty swell guy.

Enjoy the show because this is our time of the year! Add a pumpkin beer while you’re at it.

A Visit To Camp Crystal Lake

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A few weeks ago I took a trip up to North New Jersey for a meeting with a client and was able to tie it into an awesome weekend visiting Jay from The Sexy Armpit and Matt from Dinosaur Dracula. I have been buds with these guys for years and now that I think about it, a whole decade! Jay was such an incredible host and the fun we all had together really can’t be matched. There is some kind of magic that takes place when three Halloween nuts get together with booze and tacos. A lot of tacos.

While getting to see the magic behind Jay and Matt’s genius was something that can keep a long time fan on a high for quiet some time, I want to talk about a trip we took that Saturday. The season had not officially begun but the Purple Stuff podcast was well under way entering its third show that evening. The air was still summer but in our hearts it was cool, gray and a touch spooky. We were on our way to the filming location of a much-loved movie, Friday the 13th which was located about an hour northwest in  a town called Blairstown.

On the way there we listened to Jay’s amazing Halloween soundtrack and I was able to geek-out listening to Matt and Jay discuss ideas, Halloween news and nostalgic stories. Without getting into details, it was a treat for a longtime reader. We took the rental car and Jay was able to fight the notorious New Jersey drivers without incident and got us to the little town unscathed. And looking back, it was a pretty easy drive in comparison to other places I have lived, especially on a Saturday afternoon.

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Right away we started to recognize certain buildings and landmarks from a visual study Jay and I did earlier in the morning while watching Friday the 13th. One of the first spots was the diner which was a biggie on the list. Before we left, we all agreed that pie and coffee had to be eaten there, preferably in the spot where the camp head counselor sat before he was gutted. But that goal proved to be a little lofty. When we pulled in to the parking lot we could see a silhouette of a waitress waving us off. Jay was only trying to turn around but still there was something weird about that diner and although there were definitely people inside, it didn’t seem open.

Pulling out of the parking lot everyone decided we would hit the Diner on the way out and head to the town center to take photos and talk to the locals. But that’s when it started to get even weirder. There weren’t really any locals around to talk to! It was as if there was a huge festival in a neighboring town and everyone went there. It was a few days after I finished reading Stephen King’s Salem Lot and brother, it was almost identical to the description. Walking past the empty little shops and business, I couldn’t help but imagine sleeping vampires covered in musty tarps slumbering in the back rooms. I am sure everyone else was thinking the town was just boring.

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Nothing has changed since the filming back in 1980. NOTHING! The bank is still in stone, the little road that the doomed hitchhiking girl strolled down is there and even the store front Crazed Ralph gummed, “You’re all dooomed!” is still there in an untouched perfection. It was everything a fan of the Friday the 13th fan could ask for.

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While taking an uncomfortably quiet stroll through the fifty yards of the town center we did come upon a thrift shop. Bingo! Well, kind of. It was a weird little shop and only certain things were for sale. Judging from the quality of the stuff, I don’t know what they were holding out for. But it was still neat to see Matt and Jay do their thing which make great future posts we all love.

We got some pictures, I took video but really, within thirty minutes we saw it all. It was time to try the Diner again. As strange as our first encounter was before, it got even stranger when we tried to go in. There were clearly people inside but the doors were locked. It actually didn’t even seem like a fully operating diner but rather a crappy rundown place full of crockpots and hotplates to appease the ragged local. Again, the jerk of a waitress shooed us away from the window. So we just walked across the street to a tavern.

This was a welcome break but when we walked in it felt like the record scratched and everyone turned around to see the “outlanders”. We sat down and ordered a few drinks and fried artichokes while conversing with a sweet waitress. Again, our eyes scanned the surroundings for signs that this place was in the movie and Matt brought to mind that this place could be the tavern from F13 Part 2. A quick search on the phone led to nothing because there was absolutely no service in the bar. So I ventured outside to find out that no, F13 Part 2 was filmed in Connecticut. Bummer.

After a rest we returned to the car in search of the crown jewel, Camp Crystal Lake! The real spot is a boy scout camp called “Camp No-Be-Bo-Sco” and believe it or not, parents send their kids there. All we wanted to see was the lake and possibly recreate the Jason/canoe scene. But there was a problem.

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The winding road through the dense woods soon became littered with “No Trespassing” signs as we got closer to the camp. By the time we reached the camp entrance it was as welcoming as Check Point Charlie dividing East and West Europe. It was evident that if you even thought of getting out of your car, there was a good chance of getting shot, arrested, eaten by a bear or having your arm ripped off and beaten to death by Jason. All things that we were not willing to spoil the weekend with. But we did find a creek that certainly came from the lake! That is something, right?

Did I forget to mention we were quite possibly chased out-of-town by a crazed person in a pickup? That happened too. Jay is a pretty big dude so at least if things turned sour he was on our side. Still, it added a bit of psychopath to a setting that needed one.

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So, we left the sleepy little town of Blairstown and headed back to civilization richer for having seen the location of one of our favorite movies. On the way home we stopped at a dollar store and I saws in person Matt and Jay and their search for Halloween gold. The day was one to remember and started this Halloween season off with a bang.

Later that night, after a few hundred drinks, I tried to film an intro for the video from earlier that day and boy did I muck that up! I could not for the life of me remember the name Blairstown. I kept wanting to say Birketsville or Blairsville or Chicago. Anything but the right name, Blairstown, so Jay came in and saved the day. What a natural.

Big thanks to Dinosaur Dracula and The Sexy Armpit! Fantastic people and great friends. Now watch me fuck this video up six ways to Sunday.

 

 

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