Randomly Blogging About Blue Hot Cocoa and The Hub

I can tell a very busy work week is about to hit me between the eyes so before I get knocked stupid by F-stick 1 and F-stick 2 who can’t understand the difference between a print driver and a golf driver, I better get this writing bug out of the system. I have a couple of items that need to be shared and it’s a great way to break my horror movie constant that I have been on for the past couple of months. I am sorry about that. But before I go into the randomly ridiculous, I need to take a second out to thank my buddy Grover who is the marketing director at The Hub channel. We were school chums and he is proof that success did come from my educational institution. Such a great guy.

Whaaaat? I came home from work this evening to find an unexpected package at the door and when I saw the Hub logo on the box I knew it was from Michael. A whole box of The Hub channel swag and he sent it just because he’s a great person. I love that channel and every Thursday night I am having an ALF attack. Now I can say I know someone on the inside.

If you don’t have The Hub network I really feel for you. Take a good percentage of this blog’s history and make it into a channel and there is The Hub. There is something very special about airing Gremlins 2: A New Batch and following it up with G.I Joe on a Sunday afternoon. Especially when you are working on budget reports and drinking beer. It’s all such a weird mix.

On a recent trip to Bed Bath and Beyond, I spied this canister of UNC baby blue…hot chocolate??? I live in North Carolina and no matter where you turn there is some UNC this or NC State that or Wake Forest this or Duke that. If you are a transplant, like myself, and went to a different undergrad university in another state, it’s fairly annoying. It’s as if no one really graduated and moved on. Well, as far as me not caring about UNC, I can’t pass on blue hot cocoa. I am thinking about just removing the label and writing “Blue Hot Cocoa” just for great cupboard effect. I need to have guests exclaim, “YOU HAVE BLUE COCOA!?!?” I spent $5 on this so I think I am entitled to at least one of those.

Okay, this was not what I was hoping for when I opened the lid. I really wanted to see blue powder. But that magical Blue #1 requires science in order to turn from anthrax to a baby blue hue. It is a tad boring but acceptable.

Add water for magic! I must say I am impressed and it was exactly what I imagined it to be. It reminded me of the Judy Bloom book I was forced to read as a small kid and before I was aware that Judy Bloom books were for girls. The story is about a kid who pukes in class and how yarfing in class is something most kids will do. Thoughts of blue oatmeal plagued her until she finally spewed. From then on, any food item that was unnaturally blue reminded me of that. As a 35-year-old today, it’s still my first reaction. Damn it, Judy Bloom!

So, the color is wacky but how about the taste?

Not great. It’s like white chocolate and in my opinion, that’s not chocolate. Now that I said that, I am prepared for a fight.

The overall concept is great and that is what I need to remember. But I refuse to think that this is UNC hot chocolate. Oh no. In my mind this is Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen’s blue drink.

April 23, 2013 3

Food Truck Rodeo!

It was a very special day here at VeggieMacabre. A day when I finally was able to meet a fellow blogger to partake in a local event and capture it all on video. I have been a big fan of her site for well over two years and if you want to know anything about bacon, that is the site to visit. She has great little Flip videos from random restaurants or simply a taste test at the PC HQ. Her witty takes on food in particular, makes it so very entertaining. I highly recommend you give her a read because I said so.

Who is she, you ask? Why it’s The Practical Cook, of course! I lucked out and she paid a visit to my home city which just so happened to have a food truck rodeo going down. It was meant to be. I grabbed my camera, and she grabbed her Flip and we met at my little watering hole that was sponsoring the event. With plenty of IPA beer, we secured a couple of seats at the bar to shoot our coverage of the rodeo and enlisted the help of my two buddies, Jared and Lee, to eat and chat.

This was the first Food Truck Rodeo here in the Winston area so no one really knew the amount of people who would show up. They estimated between five hundred to eleven hundred, at best. Nope. More like ten thousand. The lines were absolutely ridiculous but we really didn’t mind so much. We inadvertently planned it out well and took turns standing in line to bring back new things to try while the rest of the group drank beer. Unfortunately, the average line was an hour and many of the popular truck ran out of food before most people could reach it. There was a great chance that one could actually learn Korean before reaching the Korean BBQ truck. It was just too much in too small of an area.

But that doesn’t mean we didn’t get some good stuff! Behold, we shot a video featuring a giant turkey leg, turkey livers (ick), Juicy Lucy burger, awesome bacon burger, a black bean burger and crazy cupcakes. It was very “Practical Cook”.

I know it was noisy there, but the video will hopefully do the food justice. I really like the dialogue between Amy, Lee and Jared. I need to apologize for my video skills. It’s a learning curve for me.

Thanks Amy for coming to Winston! This is the beginning of a fantastic joint venture.

April 22, 2013 2

Jelly Beans and What You Have to Know: Part 2

I think I have entered into a new low for VeggieMacabre with this idea. But still going forward I will just accept that once I have committed to do something, it’s best to see it through. There really isn’t a need for an introduction since the previous post was part one, so….

Swedish Fish brand Jelly Beans! Or what I call, “Smorkgi Morks”. It isn’t a mystery by now that any candy brand that has a non-chocolate product is a jelly bean. These amazing fish that are enemy number one for all dentists, have gotten on the bandwagon for Easter. And really, they do taste just like their original candy but I don’t like that. I love the fish because, well, they are fish. It’s fun to eat a school of cherry-like fish but it’s not fun to eat a bunch of cherry-like deer turds.

They still boast “A Fat Free Food” as a part of the logo like the original form but I am suspicious of that. A serving size is thirty-three jelly beans with twenty-seven grams of sugar. That is how people get fat, no? What ever, they taste like processed ick and have nothing more than the novelty of being Swedish Fish caviar, if the imagination is worked real hard.

But will they pass the controlled explosion test?

Did you believe that? Yeah, Spielberg might not call. Anyway, the Swedish Fish Jelly Bean can take an explosion without a scratch. It also can not be digested. So have thirty-three of them!

Aw shit, it’s getting crazy up in here! Starburst candy has a new spin on their ten thousand Jelly Bean flavors and presents us with “Crazy Beans”. Not too sure if crazy is the right term but rather “this is all we have left” because after years of bringing a new twist to Easter, they have to hide a jelly bean inside another jelly bean to pass the 2013 product test.

I guess it works. Not for me but an average ten-year-old would agree that it is something cool. Also, a ten-year-old should be writing this. It has come to this, folks.

While I like the concept, the taste is average and I can’t tell what a pink shell over a blue center is supposed to really taste like. It’s a fruity sugar thing. But will it pass the golf iron drive test?

Yes! And nice distance too!

Red Hots just will not stay in February where the belong! They creep into Christmas and now Easter. What’s next? And don’y you say Halloween or I’ll…I’ll…probably write about them. I just wish we could keep things civil between the holidays and not tread on sacred ground.

These jelly beans, however, are pretty amazing. Yeah, I know that cinnamon is cinnamon but these beans are just like those tiny red dots that can pass for a Sudafed. The funny thing about these are most jelly bean bags have the nutrition facts stating a serving size to be between twenty-five to thirty-five beans equaling twenty-seven grams of sugar. The serving size of these bad boys for the same amount is FOUR! Only four jelly beans allowed before your kids jump off the roof with a Hefty Bag as a parachute. So keep that in mind before generously dumping them in an Easter basket.

I think these Jelly Beans are great but will they pass the LL Cool J test?

No. He was kind of a dick about it.

Sweetarts! Should that be one ‘T’ or two? The design has me confused. Whatever, this year Wonka pushes Sweetarts on us too and to be honest, I think I have their recipe cracked. Take the Laffy Taffy jelly bean from the previous review and add Clorox Bleach to them and bingo, we have Sweetart Jelly Beans! I think I am getting too cynical with these reviews.

In all fairness, they do taste like the original small sour powder candy. The other good thing about Sweetart Jelly Beans is the packaging. I am attracted to vivid colors like an ocean-bottom dwelling fish. I can’t help but buy things that are bright blue and green. It’s literally eye candy. (click here)

These don’t need a test. They are what they are. And that is my excuse for not being creative.

It has all led to this, ladies and gentlemen. Willy Wonka owns Easter. Our savior may have died for our sins but Wonka is reaping the rewards with the jelly bean to end all jelly beans. Nerd Bumpy Jelly Beans.

Take a normal jelly bean then add a shit load of Nerd candies as a shell and you have a Nerd egg. It’s crazy how great of a concept this is and how much they look like durian fruit or a Gremlin cocoon. But buyer beware, eating too many of these will come with a hefty price. Just watch this taste test.

When I finally came down it was a bit confusing but sumbitch, those jelly beans win Easter. I learned a few things from that experience like for one, you never know how dirty your oven is until you shove your pillow in it and two, my fridge has a shit load of old blueberries under it.

Get a bag but make sure you have a safe-room and your diabetic socks on, these are a doozy.

That concludes the jelly bean review for 2013. I know there are more out there but frankly, I just don’t care. These were the ones that I chose to review. Please let me know what you think of them?

If you need me I will be moving my dentist appointment up three months.

March 14, 2013 11

Jelly Beans and What You Have to Know: Part 1

Hey! Remember those nonsensical reviews I have been doing with candy canes and old Christmas candy? Yeah, so I have expanded that to Easter candy. Specifically Jelly Beans. This isn’t really something that I wanted to do but rather something that I felt I had to do because when shopping for Easter candy, what you don’t know may destroy your family.

The bunny only comes when you sleep.

Jumpin’ Jesus there are a lot of Jelly Beans this year. It’s like every candy maker got together in an effort to conspire against Brach’s and take Easter for themselves. Have I thought too much into this? Yes. Yes I have. That’s why I am writing about jelly beans in the first place.

So let’s not dilly-dally because I have about twenty bags to tryout and test in my own specific way. Will it make a difference or have anything to do with a proper review of jelly beans? Doubtful. Will I spend $30 and feel silly about it? Absolutely.

Kicking this off we will start with the company that brought us the Jelly Beans we have all grown up with, Brach’s. Back in the day, Brach’s was the universal supplier of the jelly Easter treats and came in a limited variety of colors/flavors which were green, red, yellow, white, orange and the dreaded black. For the life of me, I can’t remember exactly what the color-to-flavor match was but I am certain black was Jagermeister.

This year, Brach’s gives us a couple more options with Speckled Bird Eggs and Sour Jelly beans. You will see by scrolling down that they have a lot of competition to deal with so what better way to combat that than to assimilate with the masses. These are a bit forgettable in both taste and looks but they are bigger in size so they have that going for them. But will they pass the hammer test?

Barely!

Hershey’s Jolly Rancher Jelly Beans have been around for a while and I believe they were the ones who first entered the Easter candy ring using the flavors of their tooth cracking hard candies in soft bean form. Personally I love them but keep in mind I have no sweet tooth. So I shouldn’t have an opinion about these, write this post or even say the word jelly bean. But that’s okay, I have lots of opinions on topics I have no business with.

Jolly Rancher Jelly Beans have their own Facebook fan page! That’s how I know they are good. It clearly states “they are so good!!!!!!”. This is all fine and good but will it pass the cat test?

Nope.

Leave it to Wonka Candy to cram a brick of taffy into a tiny bean. These actually taste exactly the original and that’s not a good thing. As a kid I used to love Laffy Taffy but only for the first few seconds. The ongoing chewing really brings out the plastic taste. Here, the beans jump right to that inedible aftertaste and of course, there are far more bananas than any other flavor by a ratio of 2,300:1.

You know, Laffy Taffy wouldn’t be “laffy” without some jokes. Even as an eight year old I knew these jokes were the worst but I never knew they were submitted by kids. Had I known that we would have been chewing green apple plastic to dead baby jokes.

Jef Z submitted this gem: “Why does the chicken cross the road? To get some EGGER SIZE!!!”

Hmm…but does it pass the Grig test?

Surprisingly yes.

Lifesavers are back this year with their jelly beans but this time around they offer lovely shades of pastel. Not only are they creamy in color, they have some interesting flavor combinations like Strawberry Kiwi and Mango Melody. I won’t go as far as to say they are my favorite of the group but I will say they are less forgettable. I really like it when blueberry and banana share the same bag.

There’s no need for the random test on these. I trust my own instinct. I’ll put them in the oven.

Lemonhead & Friends! It seems a bit odd that these are jelly beans because they are not too far off from their original form. Splitting hairs I may be but given a few years under a fridge, not a person could tell the difference.

They add an extra bonus of a “Special Springtime Image” on each bean. These images aren’t that special unless tulips and rabbits blow your skirt up. If that’s the case, well, magic beans they are. Other than the art, the flavors are the exactly what you would expect; grapehead, cherryhead, orangehead, and lemonhead. Kind of blasé to me but that might be because I have only eaten them on the couch. Perhaps I am just not in the right spot?

Nah. They are blasé no matter where they are eaten.

We have come to the end of part one in this two-part series. I can’t believe I had so many jelly beans in such a short amount of time. So, before I collapse into a diabetic comma I had better hang it up for tonight. Be sure to check out my second part coming tomorrow. I promise it will be just as stupid.

(Special thanks to my buddy who agreed to shoot the shower scene. Trust me. It wasn’t easy asking)

March 10, 2013 10

World Market and Voodoo. Who Do? You Do!

Whenever I am low on necessary things to do or I am aimlessly driving past, I have to go to World Market. I don’t know if you have one where you are but most major malls will have a World Market close by at a neighboring shopping center. (look for Babies R Us or some type of like store) It’s a store that has absolutely nothing essential to survival but you will swear the opposite when you step in. Covering the globe in merchandise, you can drink Japanese soda while sitting on a Nepalese sofa. I…I spend an inordinate amount of money every time I go there so I have cut back to once every other month unless I have to have Q-cumber soda. There is an actual internal meter inside me and if my “Q-soda meter” gets too low I answer all questions with fart noises. My blessing-my curse.

This is a quick snapshot from the back corner of the store. I chose this angle because every time I tried to take one, some damn kid would run around the corner and I have a fear of someone mistaking me for being a child-perv. Now-a-day, that’s a legit concern. So, I opted for this shot because beer and wine is boring to a prick eleven year old.

This kind of proves my point of how random this inventory is at World Market. I can think of no other store that carries a musical tie. Or would want to. I am also confused by boasting “The Original” at the top of the box. This was a common thing? There was a market with competitors and impostors of the musical tie? I need to know more and it’s going to be a restless night if I don’t.

To further prove my point of the randomness in this international super store, just look at my damn basket! If there was a coming apocalypse and I showed up to the bomb shelter with this mess, I would be the first to be eaten. But no one can say no to a mega Tootsie Roll. Even if they are on fire.

If you have the means and there is a World Market within a decent drive, I highly recommend you stop by. It’s hard to leave empty-handed with an entire aisle dedicated to wacky beers and rubber chickens. I make none of this up.

Watch the beer review from one of my finds that was a cool $13.oo but who cares? It’s maple and bacon flavored from a very famous Portland donut shop. I haven’t been able to drink beer in some time because I am training for another stupid race but this one calls for a special exception. It’s pink. Also, you get to see the beginning of my rad office and VeggiemacabeTV studio. woot

I can not believe I have been doing these vlogs for four years and they keep getting worse.

Keep a heads up for the next post and video of other people besides me!!! That’ll be good.

February 17, 2013 2

Category: Food

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