Goodbye

Well, I guess this was coming. I mean, I post about as regular as Jamie Lee Curtis. (Activia joke) I need to get a different forum and narrow the topic to a specific direction. While Veggiemacabre has been great, I am a different person than 2007. Maybe better or maybe worse but not the same. I loved this place and the people I have met through it.

I know Matt ended X-E and started DinosaurDracula. This is sort of the same thing but going forward you will see more of a media side since I have invested so much into software. I have a vision and as soon as the know-how happens you’ll see. Thank you for a wonderful five years. Watch below to get the skinny.

By the way, Veggiemacabre.tv will still be here. Just leaving this blog.

Good Journey!

Surprise Wolf Shirt. We Had A Good Run.

They say bad things happen in threes and I am really counting on that to be a truism. In one day I had to replace the entire rear brake system in the car, destroyed my iPhone and the epic shirt that has come to be known as the “surprise-wolf” shirt is stained beyond wear because I do laundry about as well as this guy can lull a baby to sleep with a lullaby. The brakes and phone are just a fact of life but I can’t get over the loss of this shirt. For five dollars at a Value Village it has brought me fame and fortune. Well, maybe not that but it has complimented my version of style. Let’s take a trip back to 2008.

I had just recently moved to the great white northwest and trying to blend in I figured that corporate attire might not translate so I figured what better way to show the natives that I too was down with style of the time. So I bought a wolf-scape shirt and was eager to grow a beard to complete the transition from suit to mountain man. (minus the Cubs hat)

The joke was kind of on me though because most people in rural North Idaho freaking hate wolves. I mean they will shoot them and leave them on the side of the road. Apparently these majestic (once endangered) creatures like to rove in packs and destroy all in sight. And they just do it for fun too. It’s not uncommon to see a bumper sticker stating their approval of the “kill all wolves bill” that was actually voted on in the state congress.

So it is completely my modus operandi to rock this shirt to a bar where 9 out of 10 people believe that by wearing this wolf shirt I am not only a bleeding heart liberal but also with the Taliban. I felt like I showed up to a breast cancer awareness rally sporting a shirt that says “I’m more of a butt and leg guy”. So the shirt only had a few wears until I moved down from the mountain and to a more progressive city where it was looked at as more of a hipster shirt than my real intension of wanting to be…tough?

There was a particular party that a little hidden gem was found in this infamous shirt. While mingling with the masses as I proudly sported my wolf shirt a girl stopped  and paid a compliment to my “beautiful four wolves on the tummy”. Four wolves?? From what I had known there where just three but before I jumped to conclusions and poured my beer on her head for confusing math with feet I went to the restroom to take a closer look. And I found a…

FUCKIN’ SURPRISE WOLF…IN A TREE!!! This blew my mind. There were so many thoughts running through my mind like why did I never notice this before? How many people have I met while wearing this and told them how proud I was of my three wolves (Alex, Joan and Dale)only to look like quite the fool to leave out the surprize wolf that has since been named Paul? Why did the artist put this wolf up in a tree? Does he/she just like to draw wolf heads? So many questions.

Well, I came out of the bathroom enlightened and proceeded to show off the surprise wolf to anyone who would listen. It may have been similar to a two-year old carrying around his potty to a dinner party gathering showing what he did. Regardless, that night changed the scope of that shirt and I walked a little taller knowing I had a shirt with a wolf in a tree. Or standing behind a tree trunk. No matter.

Today I look at the stained shirt and after writing this odd obituary I am not yet ready to let it go. No, I think there is a time and a place where I can get away with this shirt that has survived my time in Idaho and reminds me all the time of the most beautiful people who are still in my life. Strange how such silly things bring back the best memories. So when I wear this and people comment on its less-than-white appearance I will ask them who the press secretary is. FACE!

But I will admit there was a grown man who cried in his shirt when he thought he ruined it.

Party City vs Kmart is to Evander Holyfield vs Steven Hawking

I have amazing memories as a kid, strolling the aisles of Kmart looking for the perfect costume or Halloween decor. It was the king of the super store back then and if you wanted to dress as Chewbacca or E.T. there was no better one-stop-shop than the well recognized large red K. But like any strong racehorse, eventually there is a faster more sleek horse that will do it better, more elaborate and in this case, far more Halloweenie and make the racehorse look like the smelly pony that gives all the kids at the party a rash. This is how I compare Kmart to Party City. But in all fairness, you can’t by a toaster at Party City. Let’s take a look at the faster horse first. This is Part City. GET DOWN!!!

Here we are and don’t they all look the same. I don’t know about you but I am never too excited about Party City. You can find them in most all large strip malls that include a Ross, Target and Babies-R-Us so if you are like me and may get stuck on a shopping excursion, this is the time of the year that Party City can save ass. In April…shoot me.

Great Nell Carter’s Ghost! This is how you do Halloween! The smell of rubber and latex permeates the air as the musical score of the moment is a cheesy 1990’s Nightmare On Elm Street rap. It wasn’t blaring loud like a Hot Topic but I could definitely tell it was about Nightmare On Elm Street by the Fresh Prince style lyrics, “…burned up like a weenie and his name was Fred.” This is something to be blogged about!

With so many different Halloween items all thrust together in a couple aisles, it’s easy to have it turn into a casserole of nonsense but it blends really nice. You have the gore with the gore, the zombies with the zombies and the cutesy with the cutesy without having to search through mounds of severed heads and viscera just to find a bunny in a pumpkin.

Zombies are still a huge hit I guess. The store is about 3/4 zombie while the rest is fog machines and plastic axes. It amazes me how desensitized zombies have made young kids. I saw a mother holding her, I guess, three-year-old and asking her if she wanted the zombie window cover or the ghosts. The zombie window cover was this:

Cute! Her arm is almost chewed off

Well, I guess that is the way kids are these days with there Iboxes and there Xphones. Had I seen that on someones window as a kid I would have skipped the house and gone right to therapy. Long over are the days when Tim Curry blended in with his green screen asking if anyone has seen his tambourine.

"Mr. Lucas, this is an ARF Troooper. It's also dog talk."

For the kids and adults who would rather just pick out an already manufactured costume, Party City is renown for having about three hundred different themes and characters. This one caught my attention because as a kid who grew up in the eighties and absolutely hate the direction George Lucas took Star Wars, I couldn’t help notice this kid’s costume of an Imperial..ARF Trooper? What the hell is that? Are they the K-9 unit of the universe? God, I just don’t know the world anymore. Luckily they still sell these:

Ah the oldie and goodie. It’s nice to see the old masks are still a seller here and above all else, the villains like Jason, Pinhead, the weird Motel Hell pig mask and Mike Myers are among the most popular. I especially love Chucky with his mullet.  To cost justify one of these, though, a kid at age twelve will have to be Freddy until he is twenty-seven.

Well, leaving Party City you have to dodge a swipe by the new Freddy. To be honest, he’s no Englund but I kind of like him. The movie made me a believer that a new generation of kids need to die in their sleep. Especially the ones who are responsible for Twilite and hipster apparel.

Now that we have seen a brief part of Party City’s Halloween presentation, lets take a look at the girl who still wears her high school letter jacket to the bar…Kmart.

Right away I knew Kmart was not the place to be by the mostly vacant parking lot on a Saturday afternoon. It is almost sad in a way because on my way in there were three employees smoking around the coin-operated rodeo duck and the sound of a rolling soda can blowing through empty lanes of the lot. This was the sign of a department store put out in the pasture.

As I went in there were no signs stating it’s the Halloween season like Target. No, I had to wander for a while before eventually finding it. I actually have a video of me doing so. Enjoy.

As you can see, there is less fanfare about the holiday Kmart used to own. Perhaps it’s just this particular Kmart but I really have a sense that this company is circling the drain and forty years from now I will be telling my grandkids that there was time when I used to ride my bike to the Kmart to buy slap-bracelets for five bees. Because that was the style at the time.

As you can see, the licensed Halloween ‘Totally Ghoul” is still putting out everything and anything for this asthmatic contender of a department store. I really like Totally Ghoul too because it is not cheap in design and it is cheap in price. Without breaking myself I can buy enough pumpkin lights to trick a 747 into landing on I-40.

This is proof that “Totally Ghoul” has nothing new in it’s product line for 2011. I remember Matt writing about these years ago and while I find this comforting to see a demon clown from years past, it is also a sign of the times. I don’t know why but I really love that guys tongue and his ability to floss with rope.

But this trip was not all for not! Oh no, it has inspired a new costume idea. Remember that disfigured white tiger in a zoo? Yeah, I thought it was pretty funny too. Imagine if he had a best friend who was a gorilla?

 

Whatever. I already know I’m going to hell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Father and Son: A Rip In Reality

Every so often my perception of reality changes; some for the good and some for the bad. Recently a dear friend and fellow blogger extraordinaire, introduced me to a multilevel retail extravaganza that was so extreme, I left a better person, friend and lover. Okay, maybe not any of those things but it had a profound effect on me that fits VeggieMacabre to a T. I introduce to you an iconic shop that makes the bookstore from The Never Ending Story and Ray Stanz’s spook shop in Ghostbusters 2 look like a Baby’s R Us. Meet “Father and Son” located in Raleigh, North Carolina.

Located right downtown in Raleigh, this store looks like an ordinary retro second-hand store that most cities have but once inside, there is a sort of Twilight zone feeling in the pit of the stomach. You will see what I am talking about very shortly.

The store has a series of floors and rooms, each one a different theme and feel. Sure all the rooms basically offer the same stuff (used clothes and long forgotten items of yester-year) but each has a distinct feel, some feelings of being cluttered, some feelings of oddness and some feelings of down right creepiness. The kind of creepiness like a dream where you scream and nothing comes out as you are trapped in a yellow room with a fat hillbilly family in animal masks while “Moon River” plays in the background. That kind of creepy.

Here we begin with the front room and as you can see, there is no rhyme or reason but rather just random displays of some really weird shit. You can find anything here from stickers of quotes by Dr. Dre to a cross-stitched and framed Sesame Street Grover picture. To get through this part takes no less than a half an hour because just when you think you have seen it all, there are more items behind the items that are behind the items. Much like a fishing vessel, from a distance it looks like a mess until you look closer to find that everything is right where it is intended to be.

It goes without saying that in a Kohl’s this would warrant a Fox News investigative story into witchcraft being thrust into retail therapy but here, it works. A chicken-headed girl works like pastrami and rye.

Of all the items though, this one stuck out the most. A young Hasselhoff can rarely be perfected unless of course his head is superimposed on Mr. Olympia’s body. But put him in space and it now becomes ridiculous. Had the background been in a Wendy’s dining-room, this would be at a frame shop.

Ah, the second floor. I am not showing all the rooms because that level of detail would detract from the mystique of Father and Son so I will stick to the ones that left an impression on me the most. If you stare down this hall too long it seems like it gets longer. Kind of like the scene in Poltergeist when Diane is trying to run to save her kids. God I love that part. Ok, let’s go left.

I think keeping inventory in this store would be more complicated than astro-biology because there is literally one of everything in a four-story store of one million everythings. Get that?

I am not sure why I didn’t take a picture of the whole room because just out of frame is a working tub and shower with an American flag and a shrine to paperback risqué novels that drive women of menopause crazy. I think it was just a system overload of the brain.

Here is another room with an overwhelming smell of old. There is sign that clearly states to be careful not to be rough on the clothes since many of them are from the 1930’s which to me, means the original owners are most likely dead. Does this make anyone else uneasy? I donno. But if you look close enough you can see two bloggers.

This is the room that chilled me to the core and I have no idea why. I am not one to get “feelings” but when I walked into this particular room I stated “something bad happened in here” to the shock of Mandey who later told me she too had the same feeling months prior but didn’t want to concur right then because she felt it would make her seem silly. She is silly but not that kind of silly.

I really can’t put my finger on it but the whole place just seems wrong. Maybe it’s the mannequin parts randomly strewn about or perhaps it’s the oddly way it’s lit, but I really feel that Pazuzu had been here smoking on the couch. Something bad happened here.

Keeping on the track of things that make you shit yourself with no apologies I bring you to another floor and room reserved for the strange and unusual because I myself am strange and unusual. This is the art floor and goodness, artist do art scary here. Look at these Manson pictures.

Yeah. I really wish I could credit the photographer but there were no cards or even a description of the display. I was hesitant to even post these but I feel the true underlining feel of Father and Son may not be represented as well had I stuck to my ethics. I sacrifice for you.

Yup.

It’s a dangerous decision to include a toilet on the same floor as an art exhibit. Living art is always lost on me and there is a chance that I could have made it come alive should I have had one more cup of coffee. I still don’t know if this was art or a public restroom and I have too much dignity to be thrown out over confusion.

It’s weird to see the real world from a place of insanity. I felt like screaming to passing cars and people, “HEY! HEY! I AM IN FATHER AND SON! CAN YOU SEE ME?” only to watch them walk by as if I was in a parallel universe and the store that I think I am in is in reality, a burned out wreckage waiting for demolition. I think I have carried this a bit far.

Keeping with the creepy theme, I found this in a pile of discarded family photos. Have you ever seen such a family? This poor boy never had a chance and I am not a betting man but I am thinking this is the eldest daughters prom souvenir because Mom looks like she would be a tough sell. That statement is chalk for of ugliness. I am sorry.

And finally we are going down to the basement. Another odd fact about this place is Mandey had a dream she went down in this basement before she ever knew this place existed. While it is weird to shop in a basement, it had no where near the creep factor that the said room above had. You do have to be careful though because if you are over 5′ 10″ there is a great chance of a head-dent on a pipe. Six foot me had three.

What can you say? It’s like a dressing room in the basement of a haunted theater with more capes per square foot than any other place in the world. Seriously, this place would make a Shakespearean actor go prose in a rapid fire fashion.

Ok, for some reason, whether it is Photobucket or WordPress, I am unable to load anymore pictures so I will have to continue this report on one of the coolest but definitely creepiest stores in a second installment. Man, I hate when technology wins and fucks with my posts. I know it does this on purpose. Well, anyway, please check in tomorrow to see where I get murdered while looking at a Kenner R2D2 AM radio from 1977.  I will end this post with a picture of South Dakota.

Ebay Be Damned!

Before I begin on this post tonight, I wanted to let a few of you that still read VM in on the new stuff that has been happening to the WordPress page. It’s changing and soon it will be a “dot com” rather than a “dot wordpress”. Part of the reason is that I have visualized this site into something more grandeur and fun. You know, with videos, interviews, links, articles and pages for….whatever? Anyway, it is finally coming to fruition and as soon as some cascading word and the cool intro is done I, I will launch it. Also will be the collaboration of one of my favorite sites and internet peeps, Brian of Review the World. I think you will notice similarities, especially in the review section. So, keep a heads up and look for your personal invite in the interwebs mail. The contrast will look something like this…

BEFORE
AFTER

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now on to the content of tonight’s post; “What I have blown good money on thanks to eBay”. There is no question that I am always tardy to the party when it comes to fads or even really cool life changing items that most everyone has. It’s true! When everyone in high school loved Nirvana I purchased and was enamored with Motely Crue’s Dr. Feelgood album…on cassette. When kids in elementary school had He-Man, I had Star Wars. Call me old school, call me out of touch but to this day I look at the “now” and I stick with “when”. So it should come as no surprise that on Sunday, eBay and I became buddies. Look at the crap I bought!

I have a knack for destroying watches. Whether it is my $32 dollar Ironman running watch or my $3k Swiss watch, all have been put in a box because I guess I sway my arms around like Gilbert’s little brother. I have anthropomorphic images of my watches huddling together and clinging to the one I take out of the box for fear that this will be the last time they see one another. Did you know that I am older than five?

Oh yeah, so I bought the watch you see above for $10. I bought The Last Starfighter watch for $10! I bought a watch, with a picture of Alex Rogin holding a Star League uniform for $10! Granted it is shipped from Hong Kong for almost the same price but…I will have a watch with a mini movie poster of the movie, The Last Starfighter. If it tells time, that will be a bonus.

This is a t-shirt that I really couldn’t say no to owning. Apparently this was a 70’s B-rated action film that is pressed into glorious fashion. I really do pray that I don’t wear this around anyone with…you know…no legs. But still, how could you say no to the movie tag-line, “He’ll cut you down to size”?

Now, this is taken on faith but I bought, er, won the auction for the autographed picture of Bossk, the bounty hunter from Empire Strikes Back. For $15 I figured ignorance is bliss if it’s a fake and it is going to a friend anyway. I like to imagine he signed this in costume because those claws look pretty tricky to write in.

So, that is what this guy wasted $67.oo on this weekend. The t-shirt is shipped from the UK and it came at a price of 17£ which I guess at the current standard equates to around $29 bucks or so. I don’t care, that shirt puts me into a new elite status among my peers.

Goodnight and be well!

 

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