Month: December 2013

Ohhh FFFFUDGE…Fudge

I have started a new venture that you probably already know about. It’s a holiday countdown like no other and thanks to the help of a sadistic tiny reindeer named Ruprecht, we should have a lot of fun. Or I have gone mad and this is just a symptom of my cognitive disconnect from reality. Either way, it’s all about Christmas so be jolly, by golly.

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Ruprecht’s first find is a pretty good one. While I was at work, he ventured out to the local Walgreens and found A Christmas Story themed box of fudge. The joke, of course, is the scene when Ralphie drops the F-bomb on his pop after  he loses the nuts and bolts while helping change a tire. Maybe that’s what the walnuts symbolize? Oh those crazy people at the Copper Kettle Candy Factory!

The franchise rights to this movie has made Time Warner and other companies millions and I expect to see Ruprecht wanting to review more silly items from A Christmas Story. Enjoy this stupid video and if his voice annoys you remember, he can hear your thoughts and might be at the foot of your bed tonight.

I can’t get rid of him. Send for help!

Come on, Videopress! I look like a damn idiot again!

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Ruprecht: The Christmas Reindouche

Meet Ruprecht

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Ruprecht is a Reindeer that is sired from Samhain’s loins and born from ill-gotten stock. His means are of the ne’er-do-well purpose and will always plot your demise no matter how bad you want to scratch his cat-like chin. He is a demon who makes Pazuzu look like Odie. He hates you.

I am not sure what the reasoning is but Ruprecht has a special assignment with Veggiemacabre this Christmas and I am pretty sure it’s from a drunken Ouija board night when I asked for Powerball numbers. My lotto picks usually have three sixes in them. Too many Satanic movies have a money driven subplot for me to ignore.

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*sigh* He’s a real dick, that Ruprecht, but we are stuck together through the holiday season and it’s our mission to write and make videos of everything Christmas. If I refuse, he just might kill me.

Seriously, did you ever see the movie Tales From the Darkside when the cat jumped down David Johansen’s throat? Yeah, that shit can happen if I look at him wrong. Also, if I  forget to remove Mikes from his Mike and Ikes, change the channel in the middle of Judge Judy or fail to include Tyler Perry’s name before any of his movie titles. 

So, long story short, Ruprecht and I will be guiding you through this crazy holiday and if your soul is in limbo, he just might collect it. But don’t be scared, I could probably talk you free from a hellish limo with a friendly wager of Go Fish. He sucks at 50/50 wagers.

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Beware! You will be visited by a post at the stroke of something-sometime tomorrow. Keep your shit wired tight and remember, keep repeating, this is only a blog…this is only a blog…this is only a blog.

Tis the Season.

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